Imagine me walking around the local drug store tonight laughing hysterically. I was by myself and just when I'd get myself under control I'd start laughing again. Why you ask? Because......wait for it.....I was farted on by an old lady. Now I'm sure that you can appreciate that this in and of itself is not particularly hilarious. However immediately when it happened all I could think of was "only me". Seriously who does this sort of thing happen too? Probably just me. I mean I'm guessing that everyone has been farted on by someone in their lifetime. But usually it's someone who they know and love. A spouse sleeping beside you, your children, maybe even your rotten older brother. But by a complete stranger?
It really was my own fault for being impatient I guess. She had been one of those old ladies that walks so slowly that even time is zooming past her. And might I add that she had a wide waddling walk that perfectly blocked me from passing her on either side of a generous sized aisle. So after watching the paint slowly fade on the walls for about 30 feet she suddenly stops right in front of me. I was so close behind her that I almost knocked her over. As I try to regain my balance she gets a wide stance and all I hear is what could best be described as the quack a dying duck might make. A whiny "waaaaaaaa" noise. Right on my leg. What the hell? I mean she knew it was coming and she squeezed it out. On my leg. Not even an apology for this violation of my previously poop free zone.
So then I spend the next 10 minutes wandering the aisles laughing so hard my face hurts, tears running down my cheeks, and I'll confess it....I actually snorted. I know....I'm so classy!!
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