Losing brain cells

So here it is. The post I was going to do for Mother's Day but replaced with Shall you never show your face again. If you missed it the first time around you can go back and share in my public humiliation. I bet that sweet love letter is posted on the staff room wall of my daughter's school. If you've shared in my shame already then please continue with this rant about Motherhood.


Life is not always fair to women. Let's all admit that we probably did things during our own childhood's that lost us brain cells. Lots and lots of them. Say maybe something like flipping ourselves over the handle bars of our bright yellow bike because we were trying to show off, or maybe falling down the basement stairs on your new crutches while your best friend watches and thinks your dead, or even having someone in a tree fort high above you try to pass you a chunk of concrete that might just fall on your face knocking your front teeth loose and your parents wonder how they raised someone with so little survival instinct. You know, stuff just like that. What?.....too many details for you to think those are just random examples? It's not like I'm specifically talking about myself here....okay, well maybe I am but just follow me already.

So you make it to your teen years when you ate crap that they have now banned as toxic waste such as the amazing fries and gravy your school cafeteria served that were so addictive you'd almost think they put something like Oxycontin into them, you stayed up way too late listening to music that was way too loud, and some of you may have done other things that exploded brain cells one by one....no further comment. You know what you did. Okay, well if you did enough of that stuff maybe you really don't know. Sorry about that. Maybe you should see a doctor about it. That just might be permanent. Yikes.

Then you make it into your twenties and you might fall in love which anyone whose had the pleasure of listening to two young people talk in baby voices to each other can attest love obviously causes damage to your brain.....I mean why else would you talk to someone like that? You know you aren't 2 right? So you move on in life and have children. Any woman who has been pregnant will know that you become stupid overnight when your brain is flooded with those pregnancy hormones. Take me for example. I locked my keys in the car so many times during my first pregnancy that I was actually cut off from road side assistance with my auto club. I totally blame the pregnancy....couldn't just be me of course......no comments from the lady who lived next door to me when I was 12. Mrs. K you can just keep your stories about having to rescue me to yourself thank you very much. By the way...thanks for letting me in those 87 times. You rock Mrs. K.

Okay, so we can just agree that I already had a locking myself out of stuff problem before I was pregnant. Yah, the hormones apparently didn't help. Eventually your baby arrives and you are so sleep deprived that you can't think straight anyway. You make it through the first year or two as a zombie and find yourself in the wonderful land of toddler TV. If that doesn't make you want to pull your own toenails out. I swear. Then if you think it gets better once your child is a teenager....well think again sister. Now you are stupid no matter how smart you actually are. It's not until your child is old enough to leave home that you actually grow a brain again....and then they aren't even there for you to gloat about it. Awesome. They call it Empty Nest Syndrome but I think it's just that you really want to have them there for the sole purpose of rubbing in how brilliant you actually are.

So here I am in the tiny window of time between the horrors of small children's television and my kids reaching adulthood that I can confidently say I have at least 2 brain cells to rub together. Knowing full well that we are on the downward spiral into the adolescent years and the onset of my shear stupidity. I will admit I was feeling pretty confident. Then the other day Andrew asked me a question. When I answered him he said "Do you mean literally or metaphorically Mom?" Hmm.....well you see......wow, you are only 11 right?.....um.....what was the question again? .....and can you explain it to me usuing little words honey?

I'm so doomed!!