4 out of 5 doctors agree

I was kicked out of a doctor's office today. I really was. I mean I wasn't literally kicked out but I was told in no uncertain terms to leave his office immediately and he even pursed his lips and harshly pointed to the door while giving me stink eye. Awesome right? I know you are saying to yourself "That chick Colleen.....it was only a matter of time". Yes, I know I'm notorious for being foul mouthed and nasty aren't I? I mean that whole volunteering at the Children's Hospital thing is just a rouse to throw people off. Working with, as well as raising children with special needs....that's just so that I can trick everyone. Ha ha. My evil plan is working.....okay, well not on this doctor but the rest of you seem to think I'm okay. So out of this doctor's office I went.

Now I will start out by saying that I saw 5 doctors....yes I said 5 doctors in a 20 hour window. I will explain why in a moment. But if you keep in mind that I did sleep and eat during these 20 hours and would also need time to drive between all these offices you'd probably be very impressed. I'll give you a moment to digest your admiration and awe.........okay, let's continue. Four of those doctors were actually for Camryn. You see she had a "flu-like illness".....which is really just the flu unconfirmed. We could just say she had the pukes and be done with it. I just made that term up. Maybe it will go viral. Did you catch my pun? Yah, it was dumb I know. See I'm just too lame to piss doctors off. I even tell bad jokes.

This is how we spent our Wednesday last week......

That white powder on her lips is from sucking Children's Gravol. Yummy!!

Drew trying to entertain his sister while she was sick.

These photos were taken once she on the mend.....or so we thought. She had had one really rough night and then seemed to be improving. Later she started complaining that her stomach hurt and then she started crying about it. Camryn is usually a pretty tough kid. She didn't cry when her ear drum ruptured way back when she was 3. In fact we didn't even know she had an ear infection because she didn't complain about it. So for her to cry about stomach pain made me wonder if something more was going on. I say that but really in the back of my mind I assumed we'd go to the doctor, get told that it was just normal after having the flu, and then be sent on our way.

So off we go to see the physician we will call Doctor #1. Doctor #1 thought she could be dealing with something far more serious.......appendicitis and wanted us to take her to our local Children's Hospital right away for more tests. So off we rush to the Emergency Room. The doctor even called to let them know we were on our way. That makes you freak out a little as a parent. Nothing says bad news like the doctor calling the ER to say you're coming in. Blah.

Cammie was in an ER bed within about an hour but it would be another 4 hours before a doctor even laid eyes on her. In their defence it was very busy. I heard several ambulances and even the helicopter come in but you'd think that we would be a priority over all the 4 and 5 year olds running and giggling up and down the halls. Yah, not really. We saw doctors #2 and then later #3 in the ER because they wanted to be sure she wasn't going to crash before they released us 5 and a half hours later. Here is Andrew saying goodbye to his sister before he went home with Grandpa. He was so worried.

So what about doctor's #4 and 5 you ask....hold your horses people. I'm getting there. Doctor #5 was our family doctor who did a follow up with us the next day. Camryn was improving from the night before so that was nice. But what about #4? Well......

Despite being at the hospital until quite late at night I had to get up bright and early and drag a sick little girl with me to see Doctor #4. This is the most interesting doctor......the one who didn't like me very much. This doctor is not part of our regular health care system. He is part of the wonderful world of insurance doctors. One year ago I was in a car accident. I was just sitting at a red light when I was hit from behind. I have had quite the medical adventure since. Apparently my insurance company is getting tired of paying for all the physio. I guess they think I'm trying to pretend I'm more injured than I am because who the heck wouldn't want to spend 90 minutes two or three times a week laying on a bed alone starring at the little holes in the ceiling or the same damn picture on the wall that is intended to be motivational but stopped being so about 8 months ago.

This is that poster. Sure it's nice enough.....but really I want to tear it off the wall and snap it in half by now.

Since I was loving physio too much my insurance agent suggested that I go see a paid physician who is hired by said insurance company to do an independent medical evaluation. Now does anyone else wonder just how independent this doctor can be when he's on the damn pay roll? Me too. Seems to me that they wouldn't keep him around if he found for the client too often. Hmm. A quick consult with my lawyer and it was off to see this fantastic independent medical evaluation physician bright and early with my very sick child. You see I had been warned that I couldn't miss this appointment or my insurance could drop me on the spot like a hot potato.

A not so hot potato

I know what you're thinking....you are sooo jealous of me and all the fun I get to have. It's okay, I forgive you. I'd be jealous of me too. Really.

The one thing my lawyer advised me was that I was not to sign a consent form for anything other than an actual medical evaluation. Okay, sounds straight forward. But then when the paper is slid across the desk it says all kinds of other things that I'm expected to consent to. In a nut shell it's things like: We want to be able to steal your first born child unless you can come up with the name of a small troll named Rumpelstiltskin all on your own, we want to be able to deny your coverage for the accident if you ever skinned your knee as a child claiming it was a preexisting condition, or (my personal favourite) we can decline your coverage if you refuse to sign away these things, etc. So to recap if I sign and they do the medical evaluation this not-so independent doctor who is kind of motivated to find nothing wrong with me so that he can keep making money off the insurance company will probably lead to me losing coverage. If I don't sign the papers then it's considered a refusal to participate in the evaluation and my coverage is denied. Great choices right? And remember kids....this is my own insurance company....not the insurance company for the guy who hit me. Sadly they've been way nicer to me.

So as advised by my lawyer I politely declined to sign the paperwork. I think my politeness was what sent the man over the top. He tried to pursued me to sign the forms then when I didn't he went into a mini tantrum about how I had wasted his time.....yah, like I wanted to be there myself. At least he was getting a pay cheque out of it. You could almost see the steam coming out of the doctor's ears. He made it clear that I was too leave the office immediately and that my insurance would be hearing from him....of that I had no doubt. He wants to get paid right?....duh!!


Anyway, poor Camryn was such a trooper on this little adventure. I felt bad about having to haul her out for this but I had to at least attend the appointment so that I could say I was willing to be examined. I mean I'd probably have guessed "Rumpelstiltskin" but just not worth the risk of having to hand Drew over to the trolls right?

So to sum up 4 out of 5 doctors agree that I don't completely suck. Woo hoo!! I'm a statistic.


All physicians giving Colleen a thumbs up were paid a generous bonus for their input...not really but fun to say they were. Physicians giving Colleen a thumbs down were mocked in a real life blog entry which is read all over the world (That part is real....see above). Suck on that Doctor!! I think somebody hasn't read my post Wild and Wacky Flooring Problems. Best not to cross someone with a blog. The pen really is mightier than the sword. En guarde!!