CT scan - part deux

For those of you who have put up with my blog for months now.....and I love you all for it.....you'll know that I went for a head CT scan way back in February. This was after my car accident. Then I had a bought of severe stomach pain this summer. My doctor wanted me to go for a stomach CT scan. She assured me that it is very important and the risk of cancer that these machines are associated with is only theoretical and worth the risk.....well unless I actually develop cancer that is.....but she feels that there is enough benefit to figuring out what is going on. Again I made the mistake of looking to Google for answers. I have to stop doing that.
I found out that the most likely causes of my stomach pain could be:

1) Cancer....maybe this cancer and the cancer I would develop from getting the CT scan can fight each other in a no holds barred grudge match. I imagine that both would be in little cancer shaped unitards. Okay. I know that's highly implausible but it could happen!!

2) A twisted intestine. That sounds like a ball of fun doesn't it?

3) A hernia that has pinched my intestine. Great....two problems in one. Go big or go home people!!

So off I went for my second CT scan in 6 months. The first one as you may recall from my post which chronicled my health care adventure was in a hospital. The second one was in a facility that once was a hospital but is now a diagnostic centre. Apparently the difference is that one will cure you of cancer and the other causes it.....or so I assume given all the radioactive signs in a diagnostic centre. At the clinic they hand you 3 jugs of liquid that contains contrast dye. The liquid looks like water and has a slightly weak sugary flavour to it but don't be fooled. The second you take a gulp of this luke warm drink you'll realize that it's thicker than water and has what the nurse described as a viscous texture to it. For those of you who are having trouble imagining this try thinking about having to drink warm, sweet flavoured mucous. I know.....you're thinking what I was thinking. "Sign me up!!"

And try to remember that there are 3 of these jugs to get down. One every 15 minutes. I think the assumption is that you'll chug the first down, wait 15 minutes, and then repeat. Well after getting done the first round of deliciousness I looked up at the clock and had exactly 2 minutes before round 2. Luckily I had someone else next to me drinking the same vile scum. His gagging and my gagging was super fun entertainment for the rest of the waiting room. The lady across from me was doing everything she could to push her gags back down. She wasn't drinking along with us but I could tell from the pale green color of her skin that she was really jealous that her doctor just sent her for an MRI and not a stomach CT like us.

My sexy garb that really is "one size fits all"

After my 45 minutes of fun times the nurse came and got me. Oh boy now we get to change into a robe that shows my bum. Who knew how great this would be? Of course by that point I probably would have walked through the waiting room naked just to skip the process. I get hooked up to the IV before the test began. I would guess that most people only need one attempt to get the needle in. It took 2 nurses and 3 jabs to get it in. "Is it somebody's first day?" Ouch. On a side note the bruises were spectacular and I had a rainbow of beautiful reds, purples, browns, and greens to enjoy for the next 12 days. It was like having mood arms that change color. Awesome.

After the blood letting ceremony

So just before the nurses step behind the glass they explain that when the dye goes into my arm I will feel it move through my system and within seconds it will probably feel like I peed my pants. Could this get any better? Woo hoo!! So the machine starts and I hear a flurry of humming and gears whizzing around. The table moves me in and out of the scanner. I keep waiting to wet myself but nothing happens. Then the test abruptly stops. The first nurse returns and explains that the IV with the dye broke open and all the dye has spilled onto the floor. This was a radioactive dye that has to be special ordered and each order has to be approved by the government. Dye that I had to wait 5 weeks for. And now it's on the floor. It takes about 10 minutes to reset the machine so I get hooked up again. Now I have waves of guilt because I'm stealing the pee your pants dye from somebody else's special order. That's right. Two times the fun and radiation exposure for me today. And someone else is missing out on wetting themselves. To that person I send my sincere apologies.

Once everything is ready to go again I hear the now familiar hum and like a super lame ride at a shopping centre carnival I'm off into the machine again. I feel that wonderful, warm sensation. Wow! What a day and it's only 9:45 am. With that they release me back into the wild where I will glow in the dark for the next few days. All I have now is my sweet memories of a day well spent.