"Isn't she lovely"

Just how did I get this stunning? Let me tell you how we threw ourselves into the deep end of the pool. It all happened last weekend.

So what did our little family decide to do last Sunday?.....a day that just happened to have some of the worst weather our city has seen.....a day that racked up property damage and insurance claims by the millions? Oh, we decided to go for a lovely outing to our local historical village, Heritage Park. Brilliant!!

In fairness we didn't really know just how bad the weather was going to get. We knew there were wind warnings for later in the morning so we decided to head out early. There was a bit of a breeze when we arrived at 10:00am. No problem. We made our way around the park enjoying the sites.

Kid sized maze before the winds came.

The kids in front of an amazing miniature train display that went all the way to the back of the room.

The first hour was uneventful. I mean, we had fun but the winds were reasonable. Little did we know that by afternoon the winds would be so bad that the entire downtown core would be shut down because of windows blowing out of high rises, semi-trailer trucks blowing over on the highways, trees ripped out of the ground, and the rooftops of many buildings being peeled back like tin foil.

By the time we got to the reindeer the winds had really picked up. This clip is of us waiting our turn to pet the crazy sleigh pullers. You may recognize Drew in the green and Camryn in the pink. Guess how much fun we were having by this point.

Our 20 second reward for braving the elements.....we touched a real reindeer. Oh joy!!

By the time we got back to the car we had dodged falling tree branches, flying debris, gusts that knock us to and fro, and enough dirt up our noses to build our own old time sod house. Now that is how our family lives the history folks!!

Even vultures can have self doubt

This just might be the weirdest title for my blog yet. I will explain how I got to it. Let me start with a little bit of background. Camryn is tremendously in love with all things animal. She would rather watch a documentary about the life of sea turtles than to watch cartoons. She has a million stuffed animals. She loves animals so much that she wishes she could be one. We've had more than one tear-filled conversation about how badly she wants to be one someday. Most kids want to grow up and be a teacher, a doctor, or a fire fighter. Camryn wants to be a dragon. I kid you not.

So it's probably no surprise that our wall calendar each year consists of some animal theme. This year it was one from the Twisted Whisker's collection. For those of you not familiar with it just imagine drawings of cute kittens and puppies that are altered so that they all have bugged out eyes. Tada!! Pure genius. This year I decided to buy a calendar from the Planet Earth series. I believe they created a series of nature documentaries. I should know this as the parent of an animal fanatic but please forgive me. I've seen so many documentaries about animals in the last few years that they all start to blend together. I mean how many stunning images can one person file in their brain?

So I brought home the calendar which features beautiful photos of various animals. I figured Camryn would enjoy it. Let me state for the record that she did ask my permission to write on the calendar. At first she wanted to know when her soccer practices were so I told her. She marked them down. Then she wanted to know when Valentines day was. She marked that down too. Little did I know just how much liberty she would take with the "Sure honey, you can write on the new calendar" phrase that spilled out of my mouth. Let's just say I should have known better. Here is what I found earlier tonight....presented in a sort of photo essay. I have made the photos bigger so that you can see some of the fabulous details added by Camryn.

The front cover....so far so good.

Cute little critters added to the vast landscape. Who knew that seals lived in shallow tropical waters just feet away from elephants and house cats?

This big guy is thinking "It's your birthday". The little one can clearly read minds and responds back with "Ya duu" which I assume is "Yah duh". So nice to have a snarky primate isn't it? Oh wait....I'm being a snarky primate right now. Never mind.

A creature with no mouth or brain says "Blub, blub, blub, blub" and thinks "Hey wait up for me". Pretty spectacular jelly fish don't you agree? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he has a lucky horse shoe, his own pet tadpole, and eyebrows.

Simultauously all three lions say the exact same thing at the exact same time. I think someone needs to scream out "Jinx".

This caption says "Sing, I wish I had a g.f." I'm not sure about you but when I'm lonely all I want to do is sing too. Maybe if this poor lonely bear didn't have a teeny, tiny mutant footprint on his nose or snout rot he would have better luck with the ladies on bear-Harmony.

A whole lot of telepathy going on. I guess the creatures who actually have mouths just chose not to use them. It's only those blabbermouthed jelly fish that won't shut up.

For those of you unfamiliar with reading calendar art let me translate. This says "I know how I look, yet I just got a makeover today". And I say in response "Girlfriend you should get your money back!! What they did to you is not right".

Gee, look at who's to good to pee in the ocean. Snob.

Well at least you remembered your manners you crazy little bear.

The bird on the top who I will call Marvin for the purposes of this story says "I can do it". His friend who is apparently named Jelf says "That's the spirit". But deep down Marvin has some self doubt....but at least it's not Jelf doubt....oh I crack me up.

Birthdays

Today is my 37th birthday. A day that I've been dreading for weeks now. I'm not really sure why though. It's not like 37 is a milestone birthday or anything. It's not a particularly special number or anything. It's just 37. I guess though that it kind of feels like the slide towards 40. I can't really pretend that I'm in my mid 30's anymore because I'm now looking ahead to the next milestone rather than just enjoying being here now.

The day started out with waking up before I really wanted to out of guilt that my children had been up for half an hour and despite being 12 and 9 still don't know how to get themselves cereal or even a snack yet. So I dragged myself downstairs in order that they didn't starve to death. Hero cookie for me!! We did sit around in our PJ's for a bit and then off to get the flu vaccine for Drew. We opted for the nasal mist rather than going for a needle. This option only seems to be available at a local grocery store chain rather than the heath region so off we went for groceries and a live flu virus....yeah!! There was only one dose of the mist left in this quadrant of the city so Drew got it and I'll take Camryn back in a few days when they get more. It's probably just as well because Cammie has a soccer game in the morning and then goalie training in the afternoon. I figured she wouldn't have had much fun if her body was also fighting off a weakened virus. I know....another hero cookie right?

We went for a fun lunch with my parents and then tonight I headed out with a great friend for some wine tasting. I guess I should clarify. I thought it would just be wines but they had samples of pretty much every type of alcohol you can imagine. Plus free food. Good laughs, good wine, good food, and fantastic company. It was such a wonderful way to ring in a birthday that I was dreading. So far 37 has been okay. Here's hoping that the other 364 days until 38 will be just as great.

One smart cookie....

It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas these days. Okay, well we've have some unseasonably warm weather here but take a look in every store and you are probably seeing chocolates, ornaments, and toys crowding the shelves. I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise that my daughter Camryn was starting to think about her list for Santa.

Several years ago Camryn asked for a toy horse that she could ride that walked and bucked. If you are wondering why you have never heard of this toy....well that's because it just doesn't exist. Oh sure her grandparents and I have tried passing off other toy horses that neigh, make a crunching noise when you place a toy carrot in it's mouth, and you can sit on it. Yup. Not at all what she had in mind. I thought I'd get smart and that year Santa wrote Camryn a lovely letter talking about how they had tried to build her a toy horse that walked and bucked but that it kept breaking down. Santa said he was sorry but that that he and the elves didn't want to give her a broken toy for Christmas. He had one of his very best elves Zippy Twinkletoes on the job to make her something else very special that year. I thought it was genius. I also thought that that was the end of it. Not so much....

Again the following year she asked for a toy horse that walked and had a "buck mode". Yah...still doesn't exist so this time Zippy himself writes the letter to Camryn saying that he and the other elves had been working very hard to build this toy horse. This time though Zippy's sister Dazzle was testing the horse's buck mode and it flung her across the workshop. Thankfully she landed in a pile of stuffed elephants and wasn't seriously hurt. Phew. Hello lawsuit!!

Probably not the real Zippy

So I was feeling rather smug and thinking that this year she would forget about this toy horse or at least that she would know that Santa wasn't going to risk anymore elf lives by trying to make such a seriously dangerous toy. Yah, think again sister. She still wants this stupid horse. She even wrote her letter this year and stated that it was okay if it didn't have a buck mode. She didn't want any of the elves to get hurt. She'll just settle for a brown horse that walks and she can ride on it. Yup....even that doesn't exist. I've googled it. There are a few products that are close but she doesn't want the one that bobs up and down. It has to walk.

I've officially been outsmarted by my 9 year old. At least she doesn't know that yet. And for those of you in the crowd that think that I should get her horse back riding lessons instead....um, done that. Santa gave that to her last year when he crushed her little heart and didn't bring this toy. She enjoyed the lessons but she still wants this horse very badly. I'm worried that she'll stop believing in Santa after this year if he can't produce the goods. She told me that he is magic and he can do anything. Sigh. I'm trying honey.....I'm trying.

Oatmeal freckles

Let me start this blog by saying that I am a little bit weird about food. I like my milk to be fresh. If it's not fresh and I have to worry about smelling it I am just as likely to toss it as take the whiff and end up gagging. I also used to have trouble touching raw meat. Imagine cooking for a family and not being able to touch raw meat. I am over it but it took a lot of aversion therapy.....self inflicted.....to move past it. And to this day I'm not really good about trying new things. I like what I like. However I do eat quite a few things that other people won't such as brussel sprouts, beets, and asparagus. So I'm not beyond help.

Camryn on the other hand is extremely weird about her food. They should not touch on a dinner plate. There will be no eating of any mixed up foods such as stew. Forget all sauces because she probably won't touch whatever it's covering. Yogurt must not have even the smallest bit of fruit chunk in it.

And then there is Oatmeal. Please give me the strength to watch that child eat oatmeal just one more morning. Do you know how oats will sometimes have a slightly dark spot in on the tip of the grain? Yah, to Camryn that is disgusting and vile and should not be in her bowl....of oatmeal. Yes, servant....remove the oats from my oatmeal!! But when asked what do you want for breakfast guess what she always wants. Ding, ding, ding. You win the grand prize if you said "Oatmeal". Let's get past the fact that it also can't be too thick or too runny. If you get the consistency just right then you need to watch her pick at the bowl for 20 minutes as she tries to avoid getting one of these grains on her spoon.

"Dino-egg" oatmeal with said dark spots

I tried to tell her that the dark spots were just like the freckles on her face. She looked at me thoughtfully and said "like oatmeal freckles?". Yes, honey you've got it. It's just a spot that doesn't change the person...or oat inside. Then she went back to carefully picking through the oatmeal with her spoon for the next 10 minutes.

Is 7:30 am too early to start drinking red wine? Who's with me?

The pitfalls of being average

Tonight we are having our bi-weekly Family Night. During the winter months....which is basically anything that isn't camping season the kids and I try to have a Saturday date night with my parents. We often do board games which almost always ends up being Clue the Paris Edition because the kids seem to love it so much. They love it despite someone always getting knocked out of the game half way through. I don't think this is why they love it but maybe there is a little bit of glee in that to date it has always been me or their grandpa who are sidelined by the draw of a single card. Sigh. Okay, it's probably the time spent together and all that. I know, I know. It just seems disproportionally rigged somehow.

Darn you Hasbro Games!!

Tonight however we are going to go see the movie Puss in Boots as our family adventure. The adults are looking forward to this because it looks pretty funny, Drew is looking forward to it because he loves all cats, and I think that Camryn just loves the idea of it because Puss is an animal that can talk. Voila....Family Night!! As I was thinking about the five of us heading out to the theatre it occurred to me just how amazing it is to be able to take my kids and go to a movie just like everybody else. I know that for many of you out there it might not seem like such a big deal but for us this is a huge evolution.

You see there was once a day not so long ago when the fear of leaving the house with both children at the same time was enough to make me just pop in a Wiggles VHS tape and crack open a bottle of wine.....for you young ones out there this was the pre-Blu-Ray, pre-DVD era......and no it wasn't in the black and white days as my children seem to believe. Amazingly this was just a half dozen years ago. Back then stopping at the local grocery store for one or two items was like playing Russian roulette. The gun in this case was my sweet little Camryn. I never knew when she would "go off". It could be after ten items or maybe just one. And I don't mean the slightly whiny snargy nosed 2 year olds whose mothers have a cart full of groceries and they are standing there oblivious. I mean a child who was so completely done with shopping that she would freak out, pulling things off the shelves, ripping her hair out, tantruming on the floor, and screaming like I was beating the life out of her.....Ah....good memories. Just for the record you could just as likely expect the same in a restaurant....even McDonald's. No way would we risk taking her to a first string movie. And then there was poor little Drew who had noise sensitivity issues. I'm sure his screaming sister helped make this so much more pleasant for him.

So for us to now plan to head out to a major movie like this on the second day after opening is actually pretty monumental. No more having to wait until the cheap theatres last ditched effort to squeeze a buck out of a film for us to show up. All the while desperately hoping that the theatre is mostly empty and thankful we only paid $2 each when I once again had to walk out of there half way through, Camryn firmly in the football hold, Drew toddling behind while we walk across the lobby pretending not to notice all the people starring at us. Nope, we can go on the second day of release at the real theatres....3-D in fact.

Yeah us!! Waiting in long lines, eating expensive crappy theatre popcorn, paying full price for the movie, getting our seats kicked by some little puke behind us, and walking on super sticky floors......just like everybody else!! Um, has being "average" always sucked this much?  

The other "F" word

Imagine me walking around the local drug store tonight laughing hysterically. I was by myself and just when I'd get myself under control I'd start laughing again. Why you ask? Because......wait for it.....I was farted on by an old lady. Now I'm sure that you can appreciate that this in and of itself is not particularly hilarious. However immediately when it happened all I could think of was "only me". Seriously who does this sort of thing happen too? Probably just me. I mean I'm guessing that everyone has been farted on by someone in their lifetime. But usually it's someone who they know and love. A spouse sleeping beside you, your children, maybe even your rotten older brother. But by a complete stranger?

It really was my own fault for being impatient I guess. She had been one of those old ladies that walks so slowly that even time is zooming past her. And might I add that she had a wide waddling walk that perfectly blocked me from passing her on either side of a generous sized aisle. So after watching the paint slowly fade on the walls for about 30 feet she suddenly stops right in front of me. I was so close behind her that I almost knocked her over. As I try to regain my balance she gets a wide stance and all I hear is what could best be described as the quack a dying duck might make. A whiny "waaaaaaaa" noise. Right on my leg. What the hell? I mean she knew it was coming and she squeezed it out. On my leg. Not even an apology for this violation of my previously poop free zone.

So then I spend the next 10 minutes wandering the aisles laughing so hard my face hurts, tears running down my cheeks, and I'll confess it....I actually snorted. I know....I'm so classy!! 

Coming full Cirque-le

Dear Cirque du Soleil,

I feel an overwhelming need to write this letter to you. I will admit that I've had a bad attitude about you without really any just reason to hold one. All these years and I assumed you were some sort of travelling freak show that didn't deserve the light of day.

Well today the kids and I came to the Grande Chapiteau with our tickets in hand. They were more excited than I was. I'll admit it. I pumped up your show to them all the while expecting it to suck butt. You see....I have a thing against contortionists and I really don't like circuses anyway. After seeing your show I have determined that you are indeed part freak show....I mean seriously....the human body isn't meant to do that. Yuck!! But at the same time you are also mesmerizing. My AD/HD children with ants in their pants, Tourette Syndrome, anxiety, and a touch of Autism on the side sat open mouthed eyes glued for the entire performance. Camryn wildly shrieking "This is inconceivable"....which I assume means she's been watching The Princess Bride at her dad's house again.

I am sorry for ever doubting you and talking smack about you all these years. I hope you can find it within your heart to forgive me. We will see you next show.

Colleen

P.S. Kill the porta-potties next time. Not cool dude!!

Gratitude

Today I am reflecting on what I am grateful for because it is Thanksgiving here in Canada. I decided to do a top 10 list of the weird things I'm grateful for.

10. That my crazy neighbor announced she's planning on moving away in November. I know, I know. I'll miss the drumming circles (in a condo). Oh and the physical altercations with her 26 year old daughter that end with "Go ahead, hit me again" and me calling the police. I love those police. I'll miss the stoner friends showing up at all hours to "chill".....which I've learned means to get high. Can I pay half the realtor fees for you to list now?

9. That my dog didn't pee on anything inside my house for the last 4 months. Of course I have him gated on the main floor exclusively but he's really good at not peeing on the main floor. Now if I let him upstairs....well.

8. Diet Pepsi and chocolate pudding. Not together silly. That would be gross. I might be a little crazy but I'm not a freak. Well, okay maybe on Monday mornings I'm a little bit freakish like but...um....back to the list.

7. That I now know how to get poop out of almost any fabric. Don't ask.

6. Aluminum foil. Strange I know but we go through a lot of it. For cooking....saves me dishes on those crazy nights. Keeps our upstairs cool....I have foiled the bedroom window......like a hillbilly cause I'm too cheap and lazy to get a heavy drape instead. It's great for crafts (including tin foil hats). Heck, even the dog eats it......alright I wasn't too grateful for that one. But I think the vet appreciated the added income. I could start a telethon. Foil for Vets. What? You don't think that would fly? 

5. That the gas company has stopped ringing my doorbell instead choosing to just leave the "Sorry we missed you today" card in my mailbox. The usually show up at dinner time. It's awesome. I'll just wait for the "It's been 6 months since we read your meter now let us in" card. Then maybe I'll answer the door. And no I don't care if you can see me inside Gas Guy. I think I've crushed his soul but hey...he's not bugging me anymore.

4. For Lulu Lemon pants made from Lycra-Spandex.....just in time for Thanksgiving Dinner. Pants I was probably never meant to wear. Suck it all you yoga people with flat tummys and perky bums. I'm soiling you're trendy image. Ha ha.

3. Push-up bras. I'm turning 37 in a few weeks. Need I say more? And while we're at it I'm grateful for Spanx too.

2. That Andrew hasn't discovered that lady bugs are beetles. Every spring and summer we start finding them inside our house. He is petrified of beetles. I'll never tell him.....

1. All of you out in the blogosphere. I am amazed that my little blog has grown so much in the last year. Okay, you aren't weird....or at least if you are that's none of my business. I'm just grateful for all of you. Group hug!! Too much? Sorry

The tooth fairy files a grievance

Dear Colleen, Drew, and Camryn,

I hereby am giving you notice that I am filing an official complaint against your family. In the last 7 days I have been to your house to retrieve 4 teeth. Yes, count them....1...2...3...4 teeth. You have to be serious. Who do you think I am? Peter Pan? I have a family I could be spending time with you know. I can't just be out 4 nights a week picking up teeth from you as if I don't have to fly my kids to soccer practice or go to fairy parent-teacher interviews. Camryn losing 3 baby teeth and then Drew losing one as well. All within 7 days. Sheesh!!

I am overworked and underpaid. I'm going broke you know!! If I have to dig through my change purse and fly all the way to your house carrying another loonie or toonie.....and given how tiny my wings are. I mean come on!!

I insist on more holidays between visits. Maybe even save up and I can pick them up all at once. I would also like benefits so that I can get a massage or some chiropractic care every now and then. Okay I admit when both kids lost teeth on the same day I got to do the two teeth in one night....but it was already my third visit that week. Then I just had to carry two coins at once so it really didn't make it any easier for me. I have strained a wing and do you even care?

As I am now on short term disability due to my chronic wing condition you may not be seeing me for awhile. In the mean time the Easter Bunny has agreed to fill in for me. I suggest that you leave out some carrots for him though. The last family that forgot found a little pile of bunny droppings by the bed. I'm just letting you know.

The tooth fairy

CT scan - part deux

For those of you who have put up with my blog for months now.....and I love you all for it.....you'll know that I went for a head CT scan way back in February. This was after my car accident. Then I had a bought of severe stomach pain this summer. My doctor wanted me to go for a stomach CT scan. She assured me that it is very important and the risk of cancer that these machines are associated with is only theoretical and worth the risk.....well unless I actually develop cancer that is.....but she feels that there is enough benefit to figuring out what is going on. Again I made the mistake of looking to Google for answers. I have to stop doing that.
I found out that the most likely causes of my stomach pain could be:

1) Cancer....maybe this cancer and the cancer I would develop from getting the CT scan can fight each other in a no holds barred grudge match. I imagine that both would be in little cancer shaped unitards. Okay. I know that's highly implausible but it could happen!!

2) A twisted intestine. That sounds like a ball of fun doesn't it?

3) A hernia that has pinched my intestine. Great....two problems in one. Go big or go home people!!

So off I went for my second CT scan in 6 months. The first one as you may recall from my post which chronicled my health care adventure was in a hospital. The second one was in a facility that once was a hospital but is now a diagnostic centre. Apparently the difference is that one will cure you of cancer and the other causes it.....or so I assume given all the radioactive signs in a diagnostic centre. At the clinic they hand you 3 jugs of liquid that contains contrast dye. The liquid looks like water and has a slightly weak sugary flavour to it but don't be fooled. The second you take a gulp of this luke warm drink you'll realize that it's thicker than water and has what the nurse described as a viscous texture to it. For those of you who are having trouble imagining this try thinking about having to drink warm, sweet flavoured mucous. I know.....you're thinking what I was thinking. "Sign me up!!"

And try to remember that there are 3 of these jugs to get down. One every 15 minutes. I think the assumption is that you'll chug the first down, wait 15 minutes, and then repeat. Well after getting done the first round of deliciousness I looked up at the clock and had exactly 2 minutes before round 2. Luckily I had someone else next to me drinking the same vile scum. His gagging and my gagging was super fun entertainment for the rest of the waiting room. The lady across from me was doing everything she could to push her gags back down. She wasn't drinking along with us but I could tell from the pale green color of her skin that she was really jealous that her doctor just sent her for an MRI and not a stomach CT like us.

My sexy garb that really is "one size fits all"

After my 45 minutes of fun times the nurse came and got me. Oh boy now we get to change into a robe that shows my bum. Who knew how great this would be? Of course by that point I probably would have walked through the waiting room naked just to skip the process. I get hooked up to the IV before the test began. I would guess that most people only need one attempt to get the needle in. It took 2 nurses and 3 jabs to get it in. "Is it somebody's first day?" Ouch. On a side note the bruises were spectacular and I had a rainbow of beautiful reds, purples, browns, and greens to enjoy for the next 12 days. It was like having mood arms that change color. Awesome.

After the blood letting ceremony

So just before the nurses step behind the glass they explain that when the dye goes into my arm I will feel it move through my system and within seconds it will probably feel like I peed my pants. Could this get any better? Woo hoo!! So the machine starts and I hear a flurry of humming and gears whizzing around. The table moves me in and out of the scanner. I keep waiting to wet myself but nothing happens. Then the test abruptly stops. The first nurse returns and explains that the IV with the dye broke open and all the dye has spilled onto the floor. This was a radioactive dye that has to be special ordered and each order has to be approved by the government. Dye that I had to wait 5 weeks for. And now it's on the floor. It takes about 10 minutes to reset the machine so I get hooked up again. Now I have waves of guilt because I'm stealing the pee your pants dye from somebody else's special order. That's right. Two times the fun and radiation exposure for me today. And someone else is missing out on wetting themselves. To that person I send my sincere apologies.

Once everything is ready to go again I hear the now familiar hum and like a super lame ride at a shopping centre carnival I'm off into the machine again. I feel that wonderful, warm sensation. Wow! What a day and it's only 9:45 am. With that they release me back into the wild where I will glow in the dark for the next few days. All I have now is my sweet memories of a day well spent.

Four eyes and a brace face....what could be cooler?

Several weeks ago the kids went for their (almost) annual eye exam. I say almost because we kind of forgot and ended up being closer to a year and a half but we got our butts in there. Yeah us!!

The first tests for Camryn came back and indicated that she needed to have a special kind of vision test which required eye drops that diminish her ability to see up close for 24 hours. Awesome. Just what I love is eye drops and eye balls. Yuck. You may enjoy reading my previous post Bacon: A Cautionary Tale to discover just how much fun you can have at the eye doctor.

As you can see from the photo above Camryn has gotten glasses. She was really hoping for them so it was good news for her. I was just glad that they were on sale. Unfortunately she is also getting a retainer in a few months. Of course she is thrilled about that too. I can't say I really understand her enthusiasm. Camryn was even hoping for head gear with her dental work. Yes, you read that right. Where did I go wrong? Sigh.

Freaky Suduko

It's been a few years since I discovered Andrew's amazing talent for words. He was almost nine and a half when the psychologist had tested him as part of his psycho-educational assessment. At the time Drew was scoring above a 28 year old age equivalent in some select language abilities. Specifically the abilities to recognize and define words. With some excitement the psychologist talked about how Andrew had hit the ceiling of the test and what a remarkable skill that was.

Since he was a toddler I knew he had an interest in what words meant. Long before he was even out of diapers he wanted me to define every new word he heard. And the coolest part was that he would not only be able to then use the word correctly but he could also define it back to you.

So now that his sister Camryn has reached 9 and a half I think I've accidentally discovered her unique talent. I should start by saying that during her recent assessments for Autism the psychologist also tested Camryn's school abilities. She has never struggled the way Andrew did academically but I didn't want to miss anything since Drew has 3 learning disabilities and I'm pretty sure I have one myself. So just to be sure I wasn't missing anything I asked that Camryn get checked too. During the test Camryn was able to complete block designs that are usually meant for 16 year olds. They we quite complex and although she took her time she was able to do them with relative ease. So whatever spacial skill that is seemed to be her talent. Yeah Cam!!

Fast forward a couple months and I think we've discovered her real party trick. Suduko!! Let me explain. Our whole family likes Suduko puzzles. Several months ago Camryn got started on a Suduko puzzle in one of my mom's puzzle books but she must have been interrupted. It sat unfinished for months. It wasn't until last weekend that any of us saw this attempt of Camryn's. She had completed one line top to bottom of the puzzle with no other numbers filled in anywhere else in the puzzle except the ones that the puzzle makers give you to get you started. Once it was found my mom completed the puzzle using Camryn's numbers just to see if she was right. Low and behold she was. We asked her about it and she said she just started at one end of the line and filled each subsequent space in with the correct number. All the while not making any notes of possible number options and never being taught how to play.

All the talk about the subject today seemed to reawaken this interest and so Camryn started on a new puzzle tonight. Again she tackled it in the same fashion by starting at the top left square, following the left most edge, the bottom most edge and then the outer right hand edge. No notes, and to my knowledge never being taught any strategies for solving these. In chatting with both my parents and Drew all of us solve these by tackling the puzzle as a whole entity, using a variety of strategies to narrow down possible numbers for each box until we are done. I have no idea how Camryn is doing this and as of yet she seems unable to fully explain her very fascinating take on Suduko. More power to you and your amazing brain my darling!! You blow me away.

Spraying for kids

Alright. I know this blog is going to tick off some people. Here we go....

There is a new trend out there where business owners are banning all children from their establishments. While I'm the first one on the band wagon to have a kid free night and get refreshed and rejuvenated so that I can come home and be a better Mom.....if that is even possible. Colleen pat's herself on the back. It's usually not other peoples children who bother me and that I need a break from. I love my kids but it's also nice to have some time away too.

In watching the interviews with the supporters of this ban I started to notice a trend. Without fail the people who supported it said things like "I'm tired of parents who won't take their crying kid out of the movie". Okay so let me get this straight. You are actually tired of jerk face parents then and not the kids themselves. Then ban a-holes who don't care about anyone else's right to enjoy something. I'm with yah on that one sista.

The other argument was that they wanted to be able to go out for something like a "girls night" and not have to be surrounded by children. Hello? You already had child free options. They are called lounges, bars, pubs, and night clubs......or even.....wait for it.....your own house. Voila.

Let's face it people. If you chose to be childless yourself good on you. Far better to not have kids of your own if you aren't prepared to take care of them. I love you all the more for that. However society is about interacting with other people. If you chose to live in a city, town, or even the smallest hamlet chance are good that you will encounter the offspring of other people. It's called life. If you don't like it then guess what? There is a nice cabin in the woods you can live in so that you never have to see anyone.

It's not kids that are the problem. If those kids wanted to be poopy pants and snot-nosed they wouldn't be crying. The real problem is the self centred people who don't care about anyone but themselves. Who think they are the only ones who might enjoy a night out. And that goes for both the parents who refuse to step outside for a minute when their kids are crying in a movie as well as the childless faction that wants to ban all children from everywhere but McDonalds. I don't like either of you quite frankly. You are too spoiled for my taste.

Besides it's all those poopy pants, snotty nosed, crying kids who will be wiping your butt one day when you are too old to do it yourself. Chew on that for a bit.

Apple bytes....

In addition to Autism Andrew also has three learning disabilities. One of those has to do with writing. More specifically his physical ability to write. Everything from the way he holds his pencil, to his ability to form letters, and even how long his muscles work before they become so fatigued he can't do it anymore. Of course we are still trying to sort out why this is. In the early spring we had our first visit with the neurologist and while we have ruled out Becker's Muscular Dystrophy as the cause there are about 4 bazillion other things still on the table. Okay well maybe not that many but it feels like it.

In the meantime we had to figure something else out because he's just entering Junior High and his need to take notes has just become more important. So we got him a laptop. The school uses Apple products and so he got a Mac. Now Mac's are way more expensive than PC's. I could have gone with the cheaper option but thought the Mac would be a better long term choice for him.

Imagine my sticker shock when I went back into the store after purchase to see what their options were for laptop cases. For the record Drew got their very smallest computer the 11 inch Macbook Air. I picked out a plastic cover and expected to pay for quality but imagine my surprise when I went to the till and found out that this clear plastic molded cover without even the Apple name or logo anywhere on it....including in the fine print.....was $59.95. Yes, that's right plastic that might cost one dollar to make and let's say two dollars to ship is priced at almost $60. And for those of you who think that maybe it has some sort of special ability to absorb shocks and bumps....well....think again. I mean it probably does it as well as any clear plastic laptop cover might but for that price shouldn't it at least do something amazing? Yah, I thought so too.

Can you see the cover?....no I can't see the cover?....

Oh look, there it is. You can see the little dots in the corners. Wow, what a feature!!

So how sorry do you feel for the shareholders of Apple after the stock took a dip when Steve Jobs announced he was stepping down the other week? They can use their 2000% mark up to buy themselves an ice cream to feel better. Poor things.

A letter

Dear Fall,

You and your beautiful colours and yummy harvested foods. You really think you're all that don't you? Well I'm onto you. I see you sneaking up on us disguised as "September". We all know it's you and let me just say you are not welcome here.

Truthfully I don't know why people think you're so great anyway. You bring back the early morning lunch making, parent teacher interviews, shorter days, and the end of summer vacations. As if all that wasn't bad enough but you need to go and do this to us too?

Ah those August leaves.....

It's only August you heartless bitch. Seriously you couldn't just wait another month to prance around? Everyone knows you are just a cascade into misery anyway. Oh yes you are!!

The next time that you say hello to me I'm going to keep on walking. Walking towards my new best friend Winter. That's right.....I now like her better than you. Suck it!!

Crying over new school clothes

Just days away from the start of the new school year and we are riding the emotional roller coaster. Whee!!

Both kids are a little bit anxious about school as they always are. Neither does well with any kind of transition even good ones so starting a new school year brings new routines, new desks, new teachers, and new school clothes. Thank goodness both kids backpacks were in good shape and can be used again. Like when does that ever happen? Usually I'm doing the first bag replacement by about December and then duct tape the suckers together to last until the end of June. This year the kids get to keep their bags so at least that is one less change they have to get used to.

Now for those of you who don't have a child with Autism and you are lucky enough that if on the hottest damn day of the year you said "hey kids lets go for ice cream" and you're kids don't cry and freak out then be happy. When I say that my kids hate change I mean it is brutal for them. They don't mean to cause a fuss but it's just one of those things that is very difficult for them. So it's a really big deal to keep the backpacks. Yeah backpacks!!

Normally I try not to go overboard with the new clothes because it's just one more change for them to get used to. However both kids have grown quite a bit and new clothes were in order. I've learned not to bring the kids for back to school shopping. I just hope for the best when it comes to picking out styles and sizes. To their credit they did try to act excited about them as they looked up over their video game playing. Sigh.

So while I was smart enough to just buy the clothes when they weren't around apparently I'm not smart enough to try to clear some of their outgrown clothes from their closets when they are gone too. Drew of course still liked every single shirt in his closet and wanted to keep them. This despite the fact that he has about 3 favourite shirts and rarely wears anything else. At first I thought I was making some progress with Camryn's clothes because she happily told me that this shirt was too small and that one isn't her style anymore. We were able to pull out about 10 tops. Then the tears started and she sobbed about not having those clothes in her closet because she loved all of them. So we started hanging them up again. Sigh.

Maybe some of their clothes will magically disappear the next time they go to their dads house. I never learn.....

Be careful what you wish for or you just might have to clean the house

So after months of waiting I finally got the call that there is a developmental aide available to work with Andrew. Okay, well that makes it sound so easy. Like I was sitting around one day eating gummi bears when suddenly the phone rings and "woo hoo we have an aide....yeah". More like I called the agency in June after a 6 month wait and got "oops, we lost his file" and then " yeah we found his file it should be very soon" and then I called back in August and "oops we lost his file....again.....yes, I know we shouldn't keep losing it....or at very least we shouldn't admit it to the mother whose been waiting forever to have her kid seen....but yeah we found it again. Aren't you so happy? We'll call you tomorrow". Yah, I wish the gummi bear thing had happened. That would have sucked way less on so many levels. So moving on.....

Today was the big day. They called. We now have the appointment to meet with the supervisors to find out what my new priorities for Andrew's care are since it's been almost a year since we started this process and after so much time passing we have new and bigger aspirations for him and a new school schedule that is quite different from last years.....so we have to meet with them first before we get the aide......awesome. Can't we just get to the actual intervention part? The kid is 12 already!!

Now I'm kind of freaking out which is totally stupid. For the record I used to be an aide doing almost exactly this same job working with kids just like Drew who have Autism. The only difference was that I worked with preschoolers and not school aged kids. So I don't know why I feel so unprepared. I think it's because my house has become a bit of a wasteland over the last 9 months as I lay crippled up from having whiplash and a concussion. I guess that's a pretty good excuse but still. Maybe the 18 year old kid who slammed into the back of me at a red light that I had been stopped at for....oh.....at least 2 minutes would like to come over and clean my house for me. Oooohhhh. I should ask for that in the settlement. "I'll take a million dollars and house cleaning". I like it.

Anyway, I have exactly 15 days to get my house in good enough shape to have someone I don't know come in and roll around on my floor. Ready.....go.....

Egg?.....for real?

Today I'm going to question the sanity of the people involved with Cirque du Soleil. For all of you who love these shows I'm warning you now that you might not like my post. If you are a water, egg, or whatever lover then you can stop reading now if you'd like.

I will confess that I've never been to any Cirque show. But this is my blog and I will comment on it as if I had been to every one. The last production that came to to town was Eau. I didn't even think about buying tickets because not only do I find people twisting themselves in weird ways....well...kind of weird but neither of my kids would enjoy or benefit from this sort of thing.....or so I thought. Every year Andrew's school holds a magazine fundraiser. If you sell a certain amount of magazine subscriptions by a particular day you get entered into prize draws. Well guess what my kid wins. The Cirque du Soleil tickets. Good seats too. I had a soccer game so I had a great excuse to not go. Truthfully part of me wanted to see what all the fuss was about....especially when I didn't have to pay for it but I wasn't heart broken either. So my dad went with Drew. Just the two guys.

When they returned from the show the two of them had nothing but praise for it. Now for those of you who don't know I have had to take Andrew out of all kinds of events. A Raffi concert when he was 4, the Children's Festival at two separate shows, library story time, etc. All because he couldn't handle the acoustics of the venues. He also is the kid that wouldn't tell you he was run over by a steam roller unless you said "Hey Drew, how was your day? Did you get run over by a steam roller today?" So imagine my shock when he talked about it for several days afterwards. I heard all about this person or that, what he found funny, etc.

Okay so here I would have deprived my child from a unique cultural experience had it not been for him winning tickets. Lesson learned. Never assume Drew won't like something even if he's hated every other similar event you've ever tried. Got it. That brings me to my dilemma. The newest Cirque show is Ovo which means egg. What is with that? Um....yuck. Do they know that eggs are unfertilized reproductive material? Doesn't that just scream cultural event? I mean at least Eau (water) isn't yucky!! I guess this would be a good time to mention that eggs (from chickens) and I don't exactly have a fantastic relationship. I mean, I get that they are food and that they make your baking yummy and stuff but I don't like thinking about them too much. Never have. In fact when I found out what eggs were as a child I stopped eating them for years and years. When I see a yellow yolk all I can think about is cute little baby chicks somewhat like the ones in this picture.

Years later when I finally did eat them again it wasn't happily. Now I can manage eggs most of the time. But that doesn't mean I want to see a whole show of people rolling eggs, popping out of eggs, eggs swinging from a trapeze, and generally seeing people tossing glitter on eggs as they prance around in their colorful unitards with creepy smiles painted on their faces.....hello nightmares!!

And I mean what will they do after Ovo? Will it be Peluche? or Yeux? or Scarlatine? Those all sound kind of cool but in order they mean lint, eyes, and Scarlet Fever. Not so cool sounding now are they. And Ovo? What the hell?

But then the "you-need-to-enrich-your-children's-lives-so they-don't-miss-the best-experience-of-their-entire-young-life" part of me says suck it up princess and get your butt to the show. You'll have to excuse me if I never eat eggs again though....Ewwww!!

Hello?.......Hello?

I live in a small suburban district in a large city. We are very lucky to be an older community that has established trees, a public school, lots of small shops, and plenty of playgrounds. We are one of the smallest communities in our city and I think we could brag about the number of parks we have here. Including the one at the school we have 9 individual playgrounds. When you hear that most of the kids in New York City have to go to McDonald's to find a playground and we have so many within walking distance you have to be a little bit impressed. That being said tonight I did a circuit to the playgrounds. What do you think I found? This......

Did you notice that there was not one child playing? What the hell is wrong with us as a community? The only playground that I found any children at was the school park where only a handful of kids were. Now let's face it part of the issue is that almost all of these playgrounds are exactly the same.....colorful climbing frame close to the ground to prevent falls, a baby swing, a regular swing, and a small slide. Not much for a child over the age of 5 to enjoy but really? We are so lucky to have playgrounds and yet nobody plays at them. It was a warm summer night. Get you're butts outside people!!