Drain Bramage

I got a letter on Friday saying that my doctor had referred me to the Brain Injury Clinic. That's an awesome piece of mail to open up don't yah think? The appointment will take place exactly 16 months to the day of my accident. It's actually scheduled 25 minutes prior to the exact moment......but who's counting?

It's hard to think of yourself as having a brain injury. I guess the idea of your brain as the core of who you really are makes it seem more traumatic say than having a heart problem or a broken leg. I am being sent there because of my ongoing "post concussive" issues. Still dealing with dizziness and headaches. Feeling dazed and tired some days. The good news is while I've continued to trip over objects I couldn't locate in time and space I am thrilled to announce I haven't walked into a wall in months. Woo hoo. I guess this is me getting better! Yay Colleen!!

I'm still hopeful for a full recovery. In my pre-accident days I was fairly active. I played soccer, went skating and swimming with the kids, and generally could get along in the world. I'm getting there. I'm too stubborn not to. Brain Injury Clinic here I come!!

Classroom Superstar

Let me start by saying that I've seen both sides of this fence and so I feel like I can comment on it a little. I mean why not? That's why I have a blog so that I can be opinionated. And here you are stuck reading my drivel. Lucky you!!

Have you ever noticed that there are certain kids who are always chosen for things at school? It's the same select group all the time isn't it? My sweet daughter Camryn basically taught herself to read at the age of about 4. She tends to be a driven child and her older brother Andrew was already in school learning letters and words. She used to beg for me to give her homework too. Learning to read came effortlessly for Cammie and was nothing but fun. Drew had a learning disability and so it was slow going and terribly hard for him.

By the time Camryn entered Kindergarten she was ahead of most of the other children in this area. This made her a natural candidate to read short blurbs at various assemblies and volunteer teas that the school puts on throughout the year. I mean what is more adorable than a 5 year old with ringlets in her hair reading big words while the rest of her classmates pick their noses and lift their dresses up over their heads?

Camryn reading at the volunteer tea in grade 1. She just looks like a star doesn't she?

She also was one of the only kids in her school choir who could belt out a tune and stay on key so she's also gotten to be a bit of a superstar there as well. I have no idea what recessive gene gave her that gift but her dad and I can't sing so don't blame us. All around Camryn has been in the spotlight numerous times at school. Then there is Drew. Not once has he ever been chosen to be the star. He too could sing and keep in key but he doesn't have that so called "X factor" I guess. He's sort of one of those kids that never got to have his moment.

Sure everyone seems to love Drew. His homeroom teacher this year said "If I could have a room full of Drew's that would be the best thing ever". One of his aides says "I love that kid" every time she sees me. A psychologist once told me "He's a once in a career kind of child". It's not for a lack of love that people don't give Drew a chance. It's just that he's not the star.

Camryn also got to present a gift to the school Principal. You can tell how thrilled she is to be touched. Can you say sensory issues?

It may surprise you that I would say it drives me absolutely crazy that Camryn always gets to be the star in her class and in her school. It's not that I don't love to see her shine so brightly because I do. It's just that I know that for every assembly or volunteer tea that there is a Camryn radiating her brilliance that there are also the Drew's of this world that will never get their moment even though they deserve it too. It's the Drew's who need to be celebrated. The Drew's who work 4 times as hard at learning how to read even half as well as the Camryn's ever will have too. It's like praising a lottery winner for being rich and not the guy who worked his butt off to buy a modest little house.

Maybe we need to widen that spotlight a little and focus our attention on the kids left in the shadows. It just might be the only time in their lives that they get to glow a little too.

Cinderella, Cinderella

Recently I've really been thinking about just how much I do around the house. As a single parent there isn't any other grown-up to help lighten the load. I know many couples face the question of how to split the chores up but I don't have that privilege. I'm it!!

And for those of you who think I should just put my children to work....trust me I've already thought of that. However my oldest has Autism. I know most kids can help out much earlier than Drew. It's not as simple as just telling him to take out the garbage for me. Not so long ago he even asked me where we keep the plates. We've lived here for 7 and a half years and the plates are in the same place on the shelf that they have been since day one. Camryn has been assessed for Autism twice. The first time I didn't have confidence that the person who assessed her had enough experience to determine if she did or not. The second one sat on the fence about diagnosing her until an old preschool teacher said things like "oh sure she played pretend with dolls all the time".....which for the record she never did. That kid could care less about dolls. Anyway so as of now she doesn't have Autism but nobody can quite decide what she has. "Is it Autism and we missed it?", "Is it Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?", "Is it Anxiety plus a hidden learning disability?". The list goes on and on. The fact is that she's not entirely typical either.

So for some time now I struggled with knowing which chores and at what age will they be able to start really helping. And by really helping I mean not the chores where I have to go back afterwards to redo it kind. Rather the ones where it will legitimately lighten my share of the work.

There are no manuals that I can consult. Other parents of typically developing children have a puke load of books....yes a puke load.....that they can go to for an opinion. There is no manual for Autism. The reason for this is because no two children with Autism are impacted exactly the same way. They may share common characteristics but one might be like Bill Gates and the next like Rain Man. So for parents like me who are raising a child on the Spectrum we are often guessing at just how much our child can do or help out with these kinds of things.

And it's not as easy as finding a chore you think they can do. Oh no, it's not as simple as that....it never is. To assign chores is actually a lot of work for me. There is a considerable period of time I spend teaching Drew the chore. For those of you who might be thinking oh sure I had to spend one or two sessions teaching my child a chore before they could do it try four, five, or six sessions some times. It's not that Andrew isn't bright because he is. He's scored at the 96th percentile for IQ. It's the common sense stuff he struggles with.

Don't get me wrong the kids do help out. They are expected to take their dishes to the kitchen counter, throw their dirty clothes in the hamper.....and our newest project is putting away the clean clothes. I do a ton of laundry and so we have lots of chance to practice this one. Camryn is quite speedy and even has time to reorganize her closet in the process (a favourite past time of hers). Whereas Drew takes forever to do it. The other day I had given them each a small load of clothes to put away. After 10 minutes I came upstairs and found Camryn playing but Drew still working away. He was getting frustrated because the hangers kept falling out of the closet. I couldn't quite understand how this was happening so I asked him to show me what he was doing. I stood there dumb-founded because he was not taking the hanger off the bar but instead was trying to hang the shirt up by placing it on the hanger (while it was still on the bar).

I guess our next lesson will be taking a hanger out from the closet and hanging up the shirt before placing it back in the closet. Is this more of a man thing or an Autism thing? Maybe it's "Mautism"?

It's a miracle

I get asked from time to time why I chose to medicate my son Drew for his AD/HD. Well first because it keeps me sane. I know that sounds selfish but I would be a far worse mother and be drunk in a house dress most of the day if my kids were not on meds for their attention issues. Secondly the research shows that a child with AD/HD is far more likely to have an accident, get in trouble with the law, take illegal drugs, and die (from unnatural causes) without medication to help them focus (and make safe choices). If you've ever seen my children unbridled you would understand. Ultimately I would like them to survive their childhoods.

In fact their second cousin on their dad's side was killed when a car he was working on rolled back and pinned him against another vehicle. He not only had failed to put the car in park but then when it started rolling he tried to hold it rather than getting out of the way. His family was completely against medication. Nobody will know for sure if his attention issues played a roll but I can't help but wonder if they did. It was a terrible loss of a promising young man who was only 17 year old. He had only seconds to decide what to do and he picked the wrong choice. And accidents seem to run in the family. Drew and Camryn's dad rode his bike out into the road and was hit by a car as a child. His brother ran into a car with his bike. His sister's have been in multiple car accidents. All five children in their family have had at least one major run in with the law as teenagers. All of them unmedicated. Frankly I want to avoid that kind of thing altogether for my two children.

Also very important to us is that on top of his attention problems Andrew is diagnosed with Autism, three learning disabilities, and Tourette Syndrome. He also has motor delays. With all of that going on life is hard enough for him. If I can take one of those things away and help make it a little easier why wouldn't I? Giving him one pill in the morning means that he then only has to deal with Autism, Tourette Syndrome, and his learning disabilities each day. I happen to think that is enough. If you think differently that's okay. I won't blast your choice so don't blast mine.

So with all of those obstacles poor Drew has never been able to learn his address or phone number. I started trying when he was about 5 when we moved in here. That was 7 years ago. I either suck at teaching kids their address or he just couldn't learn it. It's my blog so I can pass the buck. He he. We tried and tried but he just couldn't get more that the house number. This presents a major safety issue because if he gets lost he wouldn't be able to find his way home very easily.

So a few months ago I finally broke down and got him a Medic-Alert wrist band so that if he did ever become lost whoever found him would have a place to start and someone would be able to reach me. His Aide was working with him on learning his address before Christmas and he was sometimes getting parts of it but not very reliably. Then tonight Camryn started talking about if she ever had to call 9-1-1 and we talked about what to do and say. Out of the blue Drew adds that she should give them her address and then he says it out loud to both of us.....and it was right. I couldn't believe it. My kid who is 12 and a half has finally learned his address. I almost fell over. That might not seem like a big thing but in our world it's huge.

So now it's settled. We can never move. Ever!!

Shoot me now!!

I keep joking with my physiotherapist Lisa that maybe she just needs to put a pillow over my face and hold it there for a few minutes. Of course this is really just a joke because my spirits have been remarkably good despite my current ordeal. It all stems from my ongoing recovery from my car accident which has been less than smooth or easy. What seemed like a straight forward minor fender bender 13 months ago has led to quite the adventure through the medical system. That adventure is far from over and now I seem to have developed a new problem.

A few weeks ago I thought maybe I was allergic to my fake Christmas tree but as it turns out I am allergic to everything. Okay well maybe not really allergic to everything but something is making my body go insane right now.

Well at least part of my skin isn't red and inflamed. Hooray!!

My wonderful back fat picture. The kids took way worse ones of me but I wasn't posting those on the Internet. You should thank me for that. The white blotchy parts are my actually pasty skin color. Sexy I know.

These photos were taken today, a week after receiving a cortisone shot in my bum.....awesome right? It's supposed to be at full effect by now and last for 6 months. Um....I don't think it's working. If you've never had welts like this then you can't appreciate how horrible they are. If you have then you have my undying sympathy. And if you think Benadryl helps at all think again. I just want to run around the room screaming and slapping myself.

Oh and as a word of warning do not under any circumstances do a Google Image search for welts. Trust me on that one. You think mine are yuck?.....Ewww.

It's good to love your ginch!!

Tonight I made Drew cry about underwear. I didn't mean to. I had noticed that he had been kind of grumbling about the pair he had on all day. So tonight when he took them off I carefully....very carefully.....checked the size on the tag. No wonder. It was a size smaller than all his other stuff. In hindsight I might have kept my evil plan to myself. After all Drew got a little stressed the last time that I tried to throw out one of his socks that had a big hole in it so I should have known it was coming. Really I could have just waited until he went to bed but silly me I tossed the underwear out right in front of him. I mean what kind of monster does that?

Now I will say that kids with Autism can sometimes be very object focused and they can sometimes have unusual attachments to things. But why small underwear and old socks? It's not like Drew would notice any of his old clothes disappearing. He has a love of long sleeved shirts but anyone of them could vanish and he'd never know it.

In the end Drew and I agreed that for tonight I would hang on to his underwear.....not literally mind you....and that I would throw them out at another time and not tell him about it. Oh great now we have to pretend like Underwear-gate never even happened. I don't know if I can go on pretending to have a secret hoard of old underwear stashed somewhere. I mean that's even creepier than actually having a secret stash of old underwear somewhere. Am I right?

 A (not so) Scary Monster. I don't get anything from the sale of these but they are darn cute!!

Allergic to Christmas?....say it isn't so

Several years ago I had an allergic reaction to a (real) Christmas tree. Not the kind of reaction that lands you in the hospital mind you.....just had hives all over my arms from decorating the darn thing. So I got smart and bought a fake tree the next year and that's what we've used ever since. Besides the many benefits of owning a faux Christmas tree is the fact that I won't ever have to worry about having another reaction to tree decorating.


Screech......wait, hold the phone.

This was from putting the tree away today. Isn't plastic supposed to be hypoallergenic? As a kid I was allergic to chocolate, Jello, any kind of pop whose name ended with "cola". Not to mention I was lactose intolerant so that leaves out ice cream and pudding. I've already had my fair share of being allergic to fun. 

So as retribution I chopped that damn tree down and I'm going to leave it on the floor as an example to the other plastic objects in our house. You can't mess with this girl and get away with it!!

Now where the hell is my Benadryl?