Oh Air Miles.....

So I just got an email from Air Miles. For those of you not familiar with this company Air Miles is a way to earn points towards travel and other merchandise simply by shopping at participating stores. In the email they are announcing that after 20 years of being in business they are launching a brand new way to use your points. It's called Air Miles Cash. Hmmm....I like cash. They go on to say that you earn points as always. Okay...I'm with yah so far. Then you can redeem them directly at the retailer (presumably the ones where you can earn the points). The points will count as cash and you get that money off your bill instantly. Great!!

The email says that for every 95 points you redeem you get....wait for it ....$10 off. What??? Ten lousy bucks! It takes me at least a year to earn 95 Air Miles. Most of the places I shop give you one Mile for every $20 spent.....that equals $1900 I have to spend to get $10. Really? That's just over half a percent off? I get a mere 0.52% off for all that loyalty? Not to mention I have to spend more money in order to redeem this lovely prize. Awesome!

Um....Epic fail Air Miles. Epic fail.

Holidays

It has been a very hectic week and a half since I last wrote. And when I say hectic I mean lose your mind busy with bursts of insanity to upset the cart even more. I did manage to scratch off one blog post during that time but just didn't get around to editing it. Oops. Then it didn't seem appropriate to post it on Christmas eve since it has nothing to do with the holidays at all. If does have to do with me embarrassing myself again.....look forward to seeing it in the future. So needing to post something before you all thought I had given up my blog I pulled together this little gem.....it's all I got....

It has been about a year since I seriously started blogging. Really it was my post Tis the season that got me started. If you haven't read it then take a peak. Heck even if you have join the fun. You can see how I get revenge on a bunch of moms that really deserve it. Of course you may think I got the short end of the stick but that's entirely beside the point.

In the year since I started posting I've had almost 4200 page views, been read in 31 countries, and had many adventures. Thank you for sharing part (or all) of this journey with me. I look forward to the upcoming year with you.

While some of my readers may not celebrate Christmas I would still like to extend you seasons greetings. We do not have to share the same traditions or beliefs for me to wish you all peace and joyfulness this upcoming year and for many more to come. Happy holidays from our little family to you.

Dude, I'd like a divorce.....

Many, many years ago when I was still a kid our family sold our house and we moved. Stay with me....it gets better. I have to give you the background or you'd be lost. So we sold our home with a real estate agent. Years later when I was married.....yes, many years later my then husband and I used this same realtor. He was an okay guy albeit a little bit of a feathered hair, creepy mustache kind of guy but passable. We found a place. Great. He later helped us sell that place. There were a few hiccups but in the end all worked out. Super. Okay, so we've established that he used to be a decent real estate agent.

Later when it was time to buy again we called him up. Sure, no problem he says. Then he proceeds to show us a few questionable homes. One was out in a small town near the city. We arrived before he did and found the place locked up and deserted. So we walked around the outside and noticed melted siding on the back. Turns out this house had caught fire at some point and was being restored......but still was in the "needs to be restored" stage. Like what the hell? Why would you show a home that smelled like fire, had severe water damage, and melted siding? This should have been the point that I walked away from this guy but so typical of me to give someone the benefit of the doubt. I mean after all we had known him for years.

Then when it came time to purchase my current home about 7 years ago I put in a call. He seemed happy to help. He showed me a few places that were within my budget. None of them were amazing but at the time I was just coming out of a brutal divorce, had two small children, and a mediocre job. In other words my options weren't great to begin with. I found a place I was willing to bid on. I had seen it in the morning and a few hours later I tried to reach the agent. I say tried to but he didn't return my call until well into the evening. And guess what? By the time he did the place was sold. Okay.....a few days later almost the exact same scenario. Saw a place, a few hours go by and I wanted to bid, left him a message, and it sold before he ever got back to me.....hmmm, missed that one too.

Then by chance there was another condo a few doors down from the one I had just missed out on went on the market. My mom went to scout it out for me and while she was doing that a woman a few doors down from that saw her and mentioned she was about to place her unit on the market. We decided to skip the real estate agent and buy this yet unlisted property. "Bingo. We have a winner!!"

Now this would be a good time to mention that it was likely the crazy family that I now live next door to that prompted so many neighbors to list all at once. Yah, they are spectacularly bad neighbors. Lets just say that for awhile there I was calling 9-1-1 so often I started to recognize the emergency operators by voice. Do I get frequent flyer miles for that? Cause I really think I should.

Anyway, it's been more than 7 years since I moved into this place and I'm still getting phone calls and mail from this real estate agent who completely failed to help me the last time. I would never use him again because I think he sucks donkey butt however I'm just to big of a wuss to tell him to take a hike. It's not like I'm even in the market to sell my place but I really don't want to hear from him again. How does one divorce their real estate agent? Do I lie and say I'm seeing other people? Man, I'm such a big baby....

An upper cut for Christmas

Okay, so I just finished my last post about the awesome swelling from dental surgery last week. If you haven't read it you probably should. This posting will make more sense. The dentist's office told me that I might have a little bit of puffiness afterwords. They didn't tell me I'd look like Frankenstein. For a recap this was how I looked 3 days ago.....

  

And now this is how I look today.....

It's a beaut!! And of course I had to take Andrew to the doctors office today because he is now sick with strep throat. We arrived at the walk in clinic early so that we wouldn't have to wait too long. We were fourth in the line up outside. When they unlocked the doors an elderly man who had been ahead of us took one look at me and insisted that we were seen first. I tried to explain that as bad as I looked we were there for Andrew and not me. He would not let us wait. So even with that there were two other people ahead of us. Two exam rooms were being used. You can do the math. Now being third I assumed we would have a few minutes in the waiting room. The nurse took a look at my face and boom we jumped the cue again. Right into the exam room.

My mouth still hurts like heck and I can't eat or smile properly but damn if this isn't a blessing in disguise. Of course I have to deal with weird looks everywhere I go and I'm sure everyone assumes I was beaten up but I guess if there has to be a silver lining.....

Colleen and the Chipmunks?

A few days ago I had dental surgery. This was a continuation of the process I went through way back in April of this year. You can read about how my dentist also does leg waxing in my post Smile. Yes, I was shocked too. In that post I detail about cracking my tooth some time ago and having to have it removed. Sounds really funny right? Yes a barrel of laughs. So fast forward to now and I went for a dental implant to replace my missing tooth. 

I was in the same surgical suite with the same dentist. Things went a little better this time around and it was a textbook surgery according to the dentist. As I was laying on the table I was informed that he was also doing a bone graft and a sinus lift at the same time. Man, can't I opt for another kind of lift....say an eyebrow lift, tummy tuck, or whatever? Sigh. Oh and guess where they get the bone for the bone graft......cadavers. Yes kids that is dead people....and it's in my mouth. Yummy!! No kisses for me.

Okay, everyone together....  "Ewwww"!!

I'm sure I will learn to live with part of a dead body in my mouth but in the mean time my cheek has been somewhat unhappy. Here is the evolution of my face:

In the car outside the dentist's office. Face still frozen. I look like Jean Chretien.

Still unable to smile properly due to the freezing. The cheek is rebelling...

A little less happy than last time. No there is no acorn in my mouth.

What I looked like this morning. Yes I know I look tired. I dreamt of frantically searching for the acorns I hid in the fall and it kept me from having a good sleep okay?

I'm looking for an agent. I figure I can be in the next Chipmunk movie. I will also need a vocal coach. And a stylist. And a plane ticket to California. Oh, never mind......

4 out of 5 doctors agree

I was kicked out of a doctor's office today. I really was. I mean I wasn't literally kicked out but I was told in no uncertain terms to leave his office immediately and he even pursed his lips and harshly pointed to the door while giving me stink eye. Awesome right? I know you are saying to yourself "That chick Colleen.....it was only a matter of time". Yes, I know I'm notorious for being foul mouthed and nasty aren't I? I mean that whole volunteering at the Children's Hospital thing is just a rouse to throw people off. Working with, as well as raising children with special needs....that's just so that I can trick everyone. Ha ha. My evil plan is working.....okay, well not on this doctor but the rest of you seem to think I'm okay. So out of this doctor's office I went.

Now I will start out by saying that I saw 5 doctors....yes I said 5 doctors in a 20 hour window. I will explain why in a moment. But if you keep in mind that I did sleep and eat during these 20 hours and would also need time to drive between all these offices you'd probably be very impressed. I'll give you a moment to digest your admiration and awe.........okay, let's continue. Four of those doctors were actually for Camryn. You see she had a "flu-like illness".....which is really just the flu unconfirmed. We could just say she had the pukes and be done with it. I just made that term up. Maybe it will go viral. Did you catch my pun? Yah, it was dumb I know. See I'm just too lame to piss doctors off. I even tell bad jokes.

This is how we spent our Wednesday last week......

That white powder on her lips is from sucking Children's Gravol. Yummy!!

Drew trying to entertain his sister while she was sick.

These photos were taken once she on the mend.....or so we thought. She had had one really rough night and then seemed to be improving. Later she started complaining that her stomach hurt and then she started crying about it. Camryn is usually a pretty tough kid. She didn't cry when her ear drum ruptured way back when she was 3. In fact we didn't even know she had an ear infection because she didn't complain about it. So for her to cry about stomach pain made me wonder if something more was going on. I say that but really in the back of my mind I assumed we'd go to the doctor, get told that it was just normal after having the flu, and then be sent on our way.

So off we go to see the physician we will call Doctor #1. Doctor #1 thought she could be dealing with something far more serious.......appendicitis and wanted us to take her to our local Children's Hospital right away for more tests. So off we rush to the Emergency Room. The doctor even called to let them know we were on our way. That makes you freak out a little as a parent. Nothing says bad news like the doctor calling the ER to say you're coming in. Blah.

Cammie was in an ER bed within about an hour but it would be another 4 hours before a doctor even laid eyes on her. In their defence it was very busy. I heard several ambulances and even the helicopter come in but you'd think that we would be a priority over all the 4 and 5 year olds running and giggling up and down the halls. Yah, not really. We saw doctors #2 and then later #3 in the ER because they wanted to be sure she wasn't going to crash before they released us 5 and a half hours later. Here is Andrew saying goodbye to his sister before he went home with Grandpa. He was so worried.

So what about doctor's #4 and 5 you ask....hold your horses people. I'm getting there. Doctor #5 was our family doctor who did a follow up with us the next day. Camryn was improving from the night before so that was nice. But what about #4? Well......

Despite being at the hospital until quite late at night I had to get up bright and early and drag a sick little girl with me to see Doctor #4. This is the most interesting doctor......the one who didn't like me very much. This doctor is not part of our regular health care system. He is part of the wonderful world of insurance doctors. One year ago I was in a car accident. I was just sitting at a red light when I was hit from behind. I have had quite the medical adventure since. Apparently my insurance company is getting tired of paying for all the physio. I guess they think I'm trying to pretend I'm more injured than I am because who the heck wouldn't want to spend 90 minutes two or three times a week laying on a bed alone starring at the little holes in the ceiling or the same damn picture on the wall that is intended to be motivational but stopped being so about 8 months ago.

This is that poster. Sure it's nice enough.....but really I want to tear it off the wall and snap it in half by now.

Since I was loving physio too much my insurance agent suggested that I go see a paid physician who is hired by said insurance company to do an independent medical evaluation. Now does anyone else wonder just how independent this doctor can be when he's on the damn pay roll? Me too. Seems to me that they wouldn't keep him around if he found for the client too often. Hmm. A quick consult with my lawyer and it was off to see this fantastic independent medical evaluation physician bright and early with my very sick child. You see I had been warned that I couldn't miss this appointment or my insurance could drop me on the spot like a hot potato.

A not so hot potato

I know what you're thinking....you are sooo jealous of me and all the fun I get to have. It's okay, I forgive you. I'd be jealous of me too. Really.

The one thing my lawyer advised me was that I was not to sign a consent form for anything other than an actual medical evaluation. Okay, sounds straight forward. But then when the paper is slid across the desk it says all kinds of other things that I'm expected to consent to. In a nut shell it's things like: We want to be able to steal your first born child unless you can come up with the name of a small troll named Rumpelstiltskin all on your own, we want to be able to deny your coverage for the accident if you ever skinned your knee as a child claiming it was a preexisting condition, or (my personal favourite) we can decline your coverage if you refuse to sign away these things, etc. So to recap if I sign and they do the medical evaluation this not-so independent doctor who is kind of motivated to find nothing wrong with me so that he can keep making money off the insurance company will probably lead to me losing coverage. If I don't sign the papers then it's considered a refusal to participate in the evaluation and my coverage is denied. Great choices right? And remember kids....this is my own insurance company....not the insurance company for the guy who hit me. Sadly they've been way nicer to me.

So as advised by my lawyer I politely declined to sign the paperwork. I think my politeness was what sent the man over the top. He tried to pursued me to sign the forms then when I didn't he went into a mini tantrum about how I had wasted his time.....yah, like I wanted to be there myself. At least he was getting a pay cheque out of it. You could almost see the steam coming out of the doctor's ears. He made it clear that I was too leave the office immediately and that my insurance would be hearing from him....of that I had no doubt. He wants to get paid right?....duh!!


Anyway, poor Camryn was such a trooper on this little adventure. I felt bad about having to haul her out for this but I had to at least attend the appointment so that I could say I was willing to be examined. I mean I'd probably have guessed "Rumpelstiltskin" but just not worth the risk of having to hand Drew over to the trolls right?

So to sum up 4 out of 5 doctors agree that I don't completely suck. Woo hoo!! I'm a statistic.


All physicians giving Colleen a thumbs up were paid a generous bonus for their input...not really but fun to say they were. Physicians giving Colleen a thumbs down were mocked in a real life blog entry which is read all over the world (That part is real....see above). Suck on that Doctor!! I think somebody hasn't read my post Wild and Wacky Flooring Problems. Best not to cross someone with a blog. The pen really is mightier than the sword. En guarde!!