Look who's sleeping now

I've posted before about Camryn's sleepwalking. Andrew sleepwalks as well but he tends to just get up and come to the side of my bed and either stand there starring at me or he will say something I can't understand and go back to bed. Camryn is far more creative. I've discovered her all over the house doing some interesting things. Last night I found her downstairs twice.

The first time she was in the living room. She was crying with socks on her hands. Now sometimes we do put socks on her hands when her skin is really dry. After the cream is on we slip her hands inside to keep the cream from rubbing off. She must have put them on last night in her sleep thinking she needed them. At least I hope so. I can't even imagine any other reason for it. I just take her back to bed and we usually don't see another episode of sleepwalking for weeks.....usually.

The second time she was back down in the living room. I could smell our grape scented detangler on her. She must have stopped at the washroom to spray her hair before coming downstairs again. Not sure why but a girl has to look her best I guess.

Then before bed I checked in on her and she was flopped on the bed as if she had been clubbed from behind falling face first onto the mattress. 

Camryn half on and half off the mattress...with socks still on her hands

A big surprise....she was exhausted this morning. But she smelled like a delicious grape soda. Yum!!

Having a phone is a privilege and not a right

Alright by the end of this blog you will have to decide if I'm an idiot or a genius.

My home was built back in the '70's and so as you can imagine there are some features that aren't really up to code or even practical for that matter. The telephone jack on the main floor is in the wall. There is no phone plate or screws to mount a phone. Just a jack coming out of the wall. So I have a small table below the jack to place my charger for my cordless phone.

So far so good right? Well the only plug in within 10 feet and that doesn't require a cord to go across a doorway or hall is in the stove just around the corner. You know those plug-ins that are right beside the burners? In the 8 years that I have lived here I have avoided any problems with having a phone charger plugged in here. Well not anymore friends.

This is what happens when you aren't paying attention and you turn on the back burner that you haven't used in 8 years.

In my defence I was smart enough to unplug it as soon as it cooled down enough to touch.....which may have led to some of the unusual shaping that occurred. It was pretty soft and gooey. I'm not sure if my cousin Thom who is a fire fighter will be proud that I unplugged it before I started a fire or just shake his head and walk away. If it were me I'd walk away. How ever have I managed to survive this long? Sigh

An alternate universe

I do believe that I must have slipped into another dimension or universe without realizing. My daughter would walk over broken glass for a carb loaded food. But yet for dinner tonight Camryn ate every last bite of her meat....that had a creamy asparagus gravy on it to boot. Like who would have seen that one coming?

And what is even stranger than that.....she took two bites of her mashed potatoes and wouldn't eat the rest. (Insert creepy music here). What the heck is going on?

Exhibit A in the disappearance of my real children. We will refer to this as `Camryn`s plate` your honor.

And for the record my carnivore Drew ate every last bite of his mashed potatoes. Huh?

Noodles: Camryn`s bedtime snack. She`s been returned to me. Phew!!

The Yuck-out factor

I used to work in the restaurant industry. Luckily the places I worked had clean kitchens and dedicated staff. In other words I would have eaten there knowing what it was like. That being said I have seen this kind of sign (below) popping up all over the place lately....

On the paper towel dispenser in the public washroom.

I saw this when I went to a local Starbucks for coffee yesterday. Yes I am the weirdo taking pictures in the bathroom. I have to find my inspiration somewhere.

I would like to start off by saying that I would hope employees didn't need a sign to be compelled to wash their hands. The sign also implies that it is optional for the rest of us. Now let's also assume that there may be some employees who didn't usually wash their hands. Will seeing a sign convince them to change their ways? Sadly, I don't think so. That means that it only serves as a reminder to the customers that Mr. Grubby hands might be serving you a $5 coffee today. Super!! I'm not trying to only pick on Starbucks mind you. I've seen this type of sign at dozens of different franchises.

You also have to love the step by step pictures that help guide you just in case you suddenly forget the steps. It's like you say to yourself "oh soap before washing....and then rinse....who knew?" Really?  I don't even want to think about it. Makes you think twice before being willing to eat or drink at a place doesn't it? Ewwww!!

Love is in the air

So tell me if I'm wrong about this...

The night before Valentine's Day is the one time of your life that you wished your kid wasn't so damn popular. You curse yourself for not starting these impossibly tiny cards a week ago as your child cries that their hand is getting so tired. You just glare at them knowing they've done 3 cards and you've done 30.

Happy post "Hand-cramp day" everybody

What the........?

Both of my kids are taking French in school at the moment. I thought that it might be a good idea to try to expose them to more conversational French in order for them to learn and get better marks. So tonight we watched our DVD of How to Tame Your Dragon set to French instead of the usual English setting.

While the movie was playing I decided to also search the web for fun games for children that would teach French. The very first site I found was this one below. I apologize that some of the images aren't great. I tried to capture the screen but my limited computer skills are shining through.

This one looked intriguing. Kiddies Games? That sounds......Hmmm......no comment.

One of these things is not like the others. Notice what's on the third line? That's right "breastfeeding games". Sounds interesting right? I just had to click it....you know you would have too.

What the hell is this? "Dress the breastfeeding baby"? Have they actually ever tried to nurse a baby? It takes practice and patience. Nobody in their right mind would then try to dress a baby while it was nursing. Those little suckers can bite. And for the record if you did try I promise you it wouldn't be a fun game. More like a whole lot of crying going on. From the mother and the baby. And what is "French dress the breastfeeding baby"? Or "French breastfeeding"? Is that different than other kinds? Those darn French mothers can't just do it the way the rest of us do? Are they too good for us?

For the record I have French in my background. And everybody knows you can make fun of your own people. Vive la France!! Okay....well whatever.

At this point I was very curious to see what these "games" are all about. So of course I click the next link.....

I recognize that this baby may be adopted or this is the wet nurse....but really? I think somebody went and stole themselves a baby. Hmmm. To prove my theory I also found this:

This baby looks a little scared. It's probably saying "Help me, I've been stolen by this Asian lady with the help of that Ginger kid over there". 

I'm all for being inclusive and I absolutely support mother's who want to breastfeed so please don't send me hate mail. I just find this entire site a little bit unusual. Is it just me?

This one time at band camp.....

Today started about as awesome as most of our Mondays. The kids were awake until all hours last night unable to sleep and so this morning was both chaotic and turtle-ish at the same time. I could have lit a fire cracker under my children and I don't think it would have helped. They were just in purposeless morning mode. You know the one where nothing actually gets accomplished even though they are in constant motion.

So by the time I accidentally dumped Andrew's band sheets from his music bag all over the floor I was already a little bit exasperated. That's when one of those lovely notices from the teacher finally surfaced. At the top was "Grade 7 Band Camp". The notice I've been dreading all year. You see last year when Drew was in grade 6 the class went to outdoor school for 3 days. It was a sleep away camp and Drew had never been away from home except for sleeping at his grandparents house. He did okay the first night and then when his best friend Ethan fell apart at dinner on day 2 I got a call from a sobbing Drew. It broke my heart not to drive out and rescue him but I didn't. A huge step for me too. He survived but when he got off the bus he ran and jumped into my arms in the most uncool way for a grade 6-er. He didn't care. That is when he announced that he would never sleep away from home ever again.

That was until he decided to do grade 7 band. I explained to him that all band students would be expected to attend camp. In all honesty I was trying to pursued him not to take band. You see the band teacher and I are hardly friends. I'm not sure when I crapped on her shoe but she has never been nice to me. At band meetings all the other parents rave about her. Umm....hmm. Yah, not getting that. Despite my best efforts to scare Drew away from taking band this year by using his fear of sleep away camp he still wanted to chose it as one of his options. Dammit.

Drew's flute......the bringer of evil

So there I was standing with this band camp notice in my hand and two blurry-eyed children milling about the room. I do a quick scan to see if it can wait. Crap....guess when the mandatory parents meeting for Band Camp was? Last Thursday. Awesome, now I have to reach out and grovel to this women who hates me and probably hates my kid too. Super duper.

So after I dropped Drew off in the front foyer of the school I made my way to the band room. Sure enough she was standing there. She turned and smiled as I came in. I fully expected to see the happy fall off her face....the way it has the last few run-ins...um....I mean meetings we've had. Nope, there she was still smiling. Okay, what the hell? Is the band room booby trapped? Is this an ambush?

So I carefully told her what happened and she was nice, accommodating, and helpful. We chatted about Drew and then it came.....the reason for her sweetness. She asked me to come to Band Camp to help support Drew.

Now I love my kid. I love him a lot. But is there a worse torture than having to attend someone else's band camp? I mean I never took band. And let me take a moment to thank my mother for forbidding me to join band in junior high. At the time I thought maybe she was a bit crazy but now I see the ultimate love of a parent. Such a gift. But never fear. It looks like I'm not missing out after all. So in 4 more weeks I ship out.

You win this one Band teacher.

Well at least he knew to use the bathroom....

This morning I woke up a little early and had to pee. I took a quick peek at the clock and it was 5:00am. I figured if I could just try to get there and back without waking up to much I would likely be able to go back to sleep for another 90 minutes when the alarm was set.

I managed to get down the hall without walking into anything. Perfect. So far so good. I enter the bathroom which is still dark but there is light streaming in through the window from the insanely bright security lights outside so I can see well enough. I noticed something on the floor which my brain in all its groggy glory interprets as fallen leaves. For my long term readers you may recall my adventures in gardening with our spider pant "Charlotte". These "leaves" on the floor are short and a fatter shape than the long thin ones she has. Before too long I realize these can't possibly be Charlotte's leaves fallen on the ground. So what are they?

This is Charlotte

I spend a moment debating whether to turn on the light and wake myself up completely. Of course having a debate about it doesn't help the situation either. So eventually I just flick the light on. Well what do you know? It's poop. Nothing bitch slaps you out of dreamland faster than turds on the floor.

I suspect it was the dog because just two nights ago when I was reading stories to the kids he went into the bathroom and peed against the toilet....must think he's human. Then he proceeded to dig in the cat's liter box and bring one piece of liter coated cat poop into Camryn's room and deposits it on her bed.

Of course I didn't see the dog poop on the bathroom floor last night and he is about the same size as the cats (meaning he'd produce the same size excrement) so unless you can DNA turds then I'll just have to name him my prime suspect.

Looks so innocent....but is he?