What if I just cancelled summer vacation?

The end is near. No, not the end of the world. The end of this school year. Both kids have exactly one day left of school this year. Okay, Andrew would be quick to correct me. He has a half day tomorrow so he has less than a day of school this year. Either way both he and Camryn seem excited about the start of summer vacation. I wish I could share in the excitement. I really should be happy about it. It's the end of having to think about lunch at 6:30 am when I'm half asleep and realize that I should have bought some groceries the day before. The end of having to worry that the kids have a matched set of mitts, socks, or even shoes available. No more homework to help them with for 2 whole months. Not to mention the fact that it's summer and we are actually getting weather that is worthy of shorts. Hooray.

But you see in my house the end of school is an end to the predictable routine of life. Even though both my kids are looking forward to summer they do not do well with any kind of changes including summer vacation.

OMG

The next week....okay get real Colleen.....the next two weeks are what I call my own personal purgatory. I can expect non-stop fighting and moodiness from the kids. They don't mean to get into trouble but because they are so "off" during the first few weeks of doing nothing in particular and because there are two of them it is the least fun time of our year.  It's kind of like when you think having a second baby will only be twice as much work as having one but then you realize that rather than doubling you should have squared the amount of work. Two grouchy children is really like having four because they fight with each other so even if one started the day okay by the end everyone is moody and miserable.....especially me!!

Me in the morning. Okay, I'm not wearing any make-up and my hair isn't brushed but you get the picture.

Please give me the strength not to sell my children to the highest bidder or to lock myself in the bathroom with a bottle of red wine. Time to hunker down and get'er done.  

Coming out of the dark ages

Okay I'll admit it. I'm one of the least technical people on the planet. I know that if you plug it in and push the power button something should happen....beyond that....well I'm usually lost. So I have been writing my blog for almost exactly 18 months now.....only about 7 of that seriously dedicated and I'm only just now discovering the wonderful world of blog gadgets. For those of you that don't know these are nifty little features....yes I said "nifty". Get over it. These are awesome (happy now?) features that you can add to make your blog even more amazing or easy to use. Yeah me!!

So I'd like to announce that I finally have figured out how to add an RSS feed button as well as a "Follow by email" button so that you can more easily sign up for my blog....should you want to continue reading my crazy rants and the drivel I put out from time to time. Hey you asked for it. Don't say I didn't warn you.

These two features are now located just to the right of my amazing and inspiring content. ----------->

If I'm a Yummy Mommy I'll eat my yoga pants

Lately I've had a bit of an identity crisis. I've been in limbo in several areas of my life. The first and foremost involves my health. After my car accident 6 months ago I haven't played soccer. Being active was part of my identity. Being part of a team also was a way I viewed myself. My doctor wants me to stay hopeful that I'll get back to that but after so many months I still can't really even walk for more that 15 minutes without risking a rocking migraine. I'm also starting to realize just how independent I used to be. Having to rely on other people for so much has also changed how I view myself.

My overall physical condition has changed what I can do at work. I used to be able to get down on the floor to do therapy with the kids on my caseload. Now I don't really have a caseload because I can't do much of anything I used to. There is even some suggestion that work is already looking at retraining me in a new position. I'm not sure what to think about this. The job I am doing now is something I love. I adore working with kids who have autism. This is an enormous part of my life's purpose and who I feel I am at my core. I busted my butt getting through university....most of that time spent working and raising kids while I also took classes. I kind of felt like I had arrived!! Now it feels a little bit like I'm getting kicked out the club. So I have to face the same old question. Just what do I want to be when I grow up?

So it got me thinking: what identity do I still have left? I mean who the hell am I now? I don't play soccer, I don't really have a function at work, and I can't really do much of anything here at home. For now I guess I'm a mom and a blogger. Does that make me a Mommy blogger? I don't really consider myself to be in that league. I guess I see a true Mommy blogger as someone who blogs everyday or at least pretty close to it. I see myself as a casual blogger. Sure I post at least once a week but I guess it just seems different to me.

And please don't think I'm a Yummy Mommy. I don't know if I trust any mom who has her hair and nails done perfectly by 8:30am as she pushes a high end baby stroller around the neighborhood in her size 0 Lulu Lemon clothes. She is a mirage people. She is probably a super model who rented the baby for the day so that she can look like she's better than you. Don't be fooled. Even if I had a whole team working on me I couldn't look Yummy at any time of the day. I'm lucky if my clothes aren't covered in dog hair. Be thankful I took a shower already. That's the best I can do for yah.

So for now my identity is yet to be sorted out. As long as I don't become a Scummy Mommy blogger I guess I'm doing okay.

Recognizing normal

Life has been so insanely busy the last few months. My average week consists of a physio appointment with my awesome PT who makes me laugh, an hour massage which isn't as relaxing as it sounds, my vestibular appointment to keep me from walking into walls....very important, and sometimes my doctor. Then Andrew is undergoing assessments with a physiotherapist, speech pathologist, and occupational therapist.....oh my. The assessments have been part of our quest for specialized services which will basically provide him with some intensive intervention. This of course will bring more appointments. Woo hoo. Bring it!!

Oh and let's not forget about Miss Camryn who is still in the midst of an Autism assessment. She also plays soccer a few times a week and I'm the team manager. Now that I am feeling a bit better after my car accident I'm back at work for 3 hours a day.

Sleeping has become optional.

As my life gets back to a so called normal I am reflecting on how insane it is....or maybe it's just me that's bonkers. Either way we are so stupidly busy I wonder how the heck I'll know when it is actually normal again. I had hoped by this point....6 months after my car accident that my life would look more like it did before hand. Instead every step in that direction seems to bring with it more chaos and appointments.

So if you see me rocking in the corner talking to a stuffed cat as if it were real there is no need to worry. Apparently my complete mental breakdown is the new normal. I see it and I accept it. Awesome.

Some days are just bigger than others

As some of you may remember Andrew was going through genetic testing for Becker's Muscular Dystrophy. That process started back in early February and the wait for today's appointment resulted in some of the longest few months of my life. I was lucky enough to have gotten a bit of information from the clinic nurse when I called in to find out if the report was back yet. It sounded promising but without seeing the entire report or knowing what everything meant I certainly didn't want to get my hopes up.

As long as the last few months have seemed I can say that nothing prepared me for how long today would take. I swear time either stood still or went backwards....maybe both. We finally arrived at the neurologists office for our 1:45pm appointment and heard the results first hand. I am relieved to announce that Andrew does not have Becker's MD. All the results of the test were normal. This is of course fantastic news which also comes with a bit of a bite.

If it's not Becker's then what is it? The answer is....well we just don't know yet. He still has some muscles and ligaments that are a little bit stiff and some that are very loose. In fact while we were in the doctor's office he was laying on the table face down. He had bent his knees and brought his feet up to his bum. Then he relaxed and his legs kind of flopped down onto the bed......by his sides. The neurologist, the resident, and I all looked at each other with that "Ewww" look on our faces. It's like he was a human pretzel. Yet if you ask him to sit cross legged on the floor he can't really do it. One of the funniest things to Drew is bending his fingers backwards and grossing me out. Where he gets this flexibility I don't know.

Drew also lacks muscle tone and endurance yet his strength tests come back normal. The next step she explained would be a muscle biopsy where a piece of muscle is actually taken to be examined. Thankfully though she felt that for now the results were not worth the stress or suffering Andrew would have to go through. She explained that treatment would likely be the same regardless of any findings. We already know what areas he's struggling with and having a name for it or not will not change their management at this stage.

So for now we are to increase his activity level a bit. Swimming, biking, and whatever else he can have fun at. Basically anything that maintains his current levels of muscle strength is in order. I was afraid to ask if she thought he'd continue to decline over time but I'm on board with the plan. If I get brave enough I will ask at our next appointment in 6 months.

Initially when I got home tonight I thought the evening would be about celebration. After all we have a lot to be happy about. However after months of lingering stress it kind of all boiled over and I'd be lying if I didn't confess to just sitting in the middle of the floor and bawling my eyes out. It seems ridiculous to admit to that because after everything that we could have been facing....wheelchairs, surgeries, and medication cocktails I feel stupid crying that my kid likely won't face any of those things. We dodged a bullet and for that I am grateful beyond words. However I also know that I'm human and sometimes emotions don't make perfect sense.

I'd like to take the opportunity to give a big thank you to everyone who has sent their well wishes and support. It has meant so much more than you can ever know. Now that my immediate worries have passed I think it's time for a little fun. Not sure what that will be just yet but I think it's well earned whatever we end up doing. Bring it on.

Oh Gap girls....where have you gone?

"Gap Girl" skit from Saturday Night Live

I have a confession of sorts. Many years ago I used to be a Gap girl. There I said it. Phew. It feels good to get that off my chest. It's not that there is anything wrong with working retail. Really there isn't. It's just kind of funny because I'm not someone who you'd typically think of as working at the Gap. In the 90's Gap girls (and Gap guys too I suppose) were seen as highly trendy, put together, super snobs that could accessorize any outfit in 30 seconds flat. Me....not so much. I can happily go to the grocery store in my generic yoga pants with no make up on. That has really always been who I was so how I ever got hired to work at the Gap was a mystery to me. Sure I had a strong customer service background but I was totally expecting to be brushed off. It was a group interview. And when I say group I don't just mean that I was interviewed by a group of people but I was also in fact part of a group being interviewed. Talk about pressure. I got to sit amongst my fellow competitors and answer questions about myself. I guess because I never actually expected to be hired I was probably more relaxed than most. When you figure you are out of the running anyway it's hard to be nervous.

When they called me to offer me the job I was shocked but I happily accepted. After all I would be working in baby Gap and who wouldn't want to do that? Talk about fun!! All the tiny sweater vests and black pleather skirts were adorable. Of all the retail jobs I've held I will say that Gap was superior to any other. We would have product nights where we would come in and learn everything you can imagine about the products. I could tell you down to an 8th of an inch how much a particular style of toddler jeans would shrink in the wash....and yes I was asked that question by mothers every single shift. By the end of a product night I could also tell you when our ads were running on TV, what outfits were featured in them, where to find those products in the store, and how much each piece cost. In a nut shell I felt like I really knew the clothes and I cared about doing a good job. That was about 11 years ago.

So imagine my surprise when I walked out of the same Gap location in protest this weekend utterly disgusted with the store. I should start by telling you that it was my third trip to this location in as many months. All three visits were extremely frustrating. The first I was greeted about 1600 times by the same employee as if she hadn't just seen me 2 minutes before....or 4 minutes before that....or 7 minutes before that. And talk about an uber line-up to try stuff on. After waiting over 25 minutes I finally gave up on being able to see if anything fit. I felt like asking if I could make an appointment to try on clothes another day and just come back. Well I probably would have asked that if there were any staff at the change rooms that is.

My next visit seemed more promising in the beginning because I found some jeans for Drew almost right away. The only problem is that I picked out a size 10 in kids and it looked like the legs would be too short. He's only just grown into this size so I was surprised to think he's outgrown a 10 so soon. I looked at a 12 but that was way, way too big. Then I noticed that some of the size 10's were longer than the others. Same cut of jean, same style, even the same dye color. I took the long and short pairs over to the counter and advised the clerk that there was about a 4 inch difference within the size. Yah, he didn't care....and he also didn't care to even try to hide that fact. He just took them back over and hung the shorter pair back up. I guess both quality control and customer service is optional at the Gap now. And for the record he had no idea if these jeans would shrink or by how much. Awesome.

My final trip this weekend was spurred by the fact that I was looking for a new summer dress for Camryn. We had first gone into the Gymboree just down the mall concourse but apparently they were having an "Everything in the store is 13.99 sale". After noticing that there was nothing bigger than size 7 on the racks I asked the clerk if they still sold larger sizes. "Oh yes" she replied, "but they cost more so we put them into the backroom during the sale". "Can I see the dresses in size 8?" I asked. Yah, in a nut shell she said that I could not see them....even if I was happy to pay regular prices but that if I came back when the sale was over....blah, blah, blah. Apparently she failed to notice I was there now willing to buy stuff. So Camryn and I reluctantly headed off to the Gap which I was still unaware would be the final nail in the coffin for them. We find our way to the very back of the store....not greeted by a single person.



We weren't in a hurry and took our time getting to the back of the store and not a single employee looked up from folding t-shirts to say "hi". And for the record there were at least 15 staff in the store. We find a lovely blue cotton dress with white lace. Camryn decided on this one and we headed for the till. There was one customer at there and one clerk. At least it wouldn't be another nightmare line-up today like the one I saw a few trips before. Well, maybe my luck was changing I thought to myself. An easy purchase and a store that would redeem itself in my books. Right? Think again. I stood waiting for almost 10 minutes while the lady in front of me exchanged this item for that one...had her kids try on sandals, hats, and spring jackets right there at the counter. She added items and then changed her mind. She ran around for this size and that accessory. She even asked Camryn her opinion about something when her own daughters were off fetching another pair of whatever it was they went looking for. Basically she wasn't done her shopping. Instead of sparing me from the wait every other employee that passed by the till or saw us waiting just pretended not to notice. Okay maybe they really didn't notice but the woman behind the till didn't care enough to draw their attention or quickly ring me through either. Finally we gave up and walked out of the store without making a purchase.

It's bad enough that I could have walked through the store naked, taken a poop at the back of the store, and nobody would have even asked me what I was doing but when you are standing at the till ready to buy something with cash in hand you have to wonder where it went wrong for this store. Does Gap really think they are such an invincible brand that they don't even need to try anymore?

Mind you when Gymboree hides their clothes in the back room and won't even let you see them I guess you can understand why Gap thinks they are all that and a Grande latte!!

So I say "Hello Wal-Mart"!!