A penny here and a penny there....

So recently I went through the drive thru lane at a popular fast food chain. I know what you're thinking....You Colleen? You who has so much time to cook a good meal? Why would you go to the drive thru? I have no good answer for this. Maybe it's because I want to spend too much money for a product that will eventually kill me. Don't we all do this? Ninety percent of the things we put in our mouths these days probably are deadly anyway or at least there will be some sort of health scare with them at some point. Even those of you who subsist on lettuce have Ecoli to worry about. A nasty little thing that Ecoli. Going after those who are actually trying to be healthy and BAM!! You risk taker!! Don't say I didn't warn you Rabbit.


Okay so I'm in the drive thru and I pull up to the huge menu sign with the talking voice. I hear this clearly spoken "Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order" from what I imagine to be a well built, tall, handsome man. His voice rings so clear I am mesmerized for a moment. Since when could you ever understand the words coming out of one of these things? Naturally I'm a little suspicious of this clarity. We all just wait for the inevitable metallic sounding "Wah-cah tah Madonna, may I tah-yah-ah-ah?" followed by static and we just start talking assuming that the person on the other end can actually tell what it is we are saying. How do they know? Do you need special language classes to be able to interpret this foreign fast food language? Do they have English to Fast Food/Fast Food to English dictionaries? Do I ask too many questions? Do I need medication to stop these inner dialogue's I seem to always have with myself. I discuss this with inner self and decide I'm just fine. We like each others company.


I place my order expecting to hear that sweet handsome voice again which so graciously welcomed me to this restaurant. Instead a woman's voice comes on the line to give me my total. At least that is what I assume she did given that I did not have my handy pocket Fast Food translation dictionary with me. I could have sworn the first voice was a male. An impossibly good looking one at that. Am I losing it? Okay, well, that's a bad question because I probably am, but even I know I didn't imagine this. His voice had come through clearly and hers was the typical mumble of a fast food speaker. Why would they have this feature? Is the initial greeting so overwhelming for the drive through staff that they had to automate it? Seriously? One verbal greeting is what stands between chaos and job satisfaction so they decided to record it to improve the working conditions of McDonald's Drive thru staff?


One of my first jobs required me to carry the "slop" bucket which was as you can imagine a delightful chore. The bucket was a large white thing that was used to discard any food or drinks of the bar patrons. It usually stewed for hours before eventually spilling over. The white color was significant because you could see all the sludge that hadn't quite made it inside which made carrying it as the contents sloshed and spilled all the more rewarding. There is nothing more invigorating than the feeling of wet slop spilling into your shoes as you walk. For minimum wage no less. Then I'd have to hoist this sucker up and into a dumpster which was about 5 feet tall. Can you imagine how great I smelled at the end of a shift? Now that is motivation to get an education people. There was nothing I wanted more in my life as I walked down the long back hallway with slooshy shoes and sticky hands than to be in school so that I never ever had to do this chore again.

So as I waited for my order to be made....who are we really kidding here, it was made 4 hours ago but the heat lamps make me think my burger is fresh.....I wonder to myself how cushy a job at McDonald's might be if you don't even have to greet people and only have to push a little button that says the words for you. I ask you where is the incentive there? Shouldn't everyone have a horrible first job with low pay that makes them want to do better?