I have always had an interest in child development. In fact I studied it at school. Okay well I studied psychology and in order to get my degree I had to learn about people in all age groups, every gender....and yes there are more than two.....wrap your head around that.....people from different cultures, and all kinds of mental health and medical conditions. In general I find the field fascinating to begin with. I love knowing what makes people who they are. I have an especially strong interest in children. I took every course on this subject that the University offered in my field and even a few that were in other fields.
So it might be fair to say that I've read quite a bit about child development in general and now that I am a parent and professional working with kids on the Autism spectrum I have also read a lot on this topic as well. For those of you that are new to this field or generally don't have a lot of background in Autism I will say that far more boys get diagnosed with Autism than girls. Current statistics usually state that it's a 4:1 ratio although I've also seen 5:1 and 6:1 listed in the literature. That's a pretty big difference when you think about it. There are a few schools of thought on the reasons for this. Some believe that boys just have it more often pure and simple. Others argue that the girls are out there but they're getting missed. The new thought is that they often present differently than boys and while it may be clear that there is something going on with their development that many are not properly diagnosed. Basically only girls that present closely enough with the "boy" criteria are getting picked up. This is interesting just by itself because Autism is a spectrum disorder. Everyone already accepts that there is a range of presentations yet when it comes to taking gender into account people have had their heads in the sand.
I certainly can see both sides. My clinic has far more boys referred for Autism assessments so I could argue that of course boys have it more often. However it is very possible that the girls never make it to us in the first place. Maybe they are getting screened out earlier in the process and never get considered for a diagnosis like their male counterparts. Unlike most parents of a child on the spectrum I also have the added experience of seeing literally hundreds of kids over the years as part of my professional practice. Interestingly I was in this field before I ever had Andrew and Camryn. Thankfully when I heard the word Autism I already had my feet on the ground in this ring. It still hit me like a ton of bricks but at least when I stood back up I kind of knew where I was and which direction to head. Part of my professional practice now is helping other parents find their way through those first few weeks. I will say that this is a highly rewarding career and is even more so now that I've made tracks on this path myself.
So sometime ago I started noticing that almost every book I read about Autism was about boys. Intellectually this makes sense. If the majority of your diagnosed subjects are male then why wouldn't you write about them. However there is that nagging little problem of this theory that the girls are actually out there in greater numbers than first thought. These girls are not yet diagnosed and in many places this can mean a delay in treatment too. Parents and professionals reading these books that only talk about how most boys present and say nothing about the differences you might see in girls may get the wrong impression that these little girls aren't on the spectrum after all. I mean stop for a second and think of the implications of this. How many little girls don't get any treatment at all? They may spend their whole lives not understanding why they struggle with friendships and in other social settings. They may have a hard time in relationships, in the workplace, and what about self esteem? Their parents may wonder what is going on and how can they even begin to help their daughters if they don't know what is wrong. The girls deserve just as much chance to reach their potential as the boys.
One of the things I've learned recently is that girls on the spectrum sometimes appear more socially motivated than their male counterparts. If you just stop and think about it doesn't this make sense? I mean just in terms of your average sample of girls versus boys does this not usually occur? I don't think this is an Autism thing....I think it's just a girl/boy thing. It's kind of like one of those light bulb moments that years from now will seem so clearly obvious we won't believe that people ever were so ignorant to think it was ever any different. Of course many of these girls want to be in the social group. Duh? The difference that comes with the Autism is how hard it can be for them to reach that goal. I look at Camryn who desperately wants to be part of the group of little girls in her class. I will point out that she has not been diagnosed yet although I am pretty sure we are going down that road. We start assessments next month and so pretty soon I'll be able to stop putting these disclaimers in my blog postings. She'll either have it or she won't. It doesn't change the fact though that Camryn desperately wants friends. She wants someone to play with and tell secrets to. Up until now she's had a fairly stable group of girls that she hangs out with. However she is in that dreaded grade 3 year where the social world changes. I have noticed this with both my kids. About halfway through the grade 3 year friendships move from being general to being more specific. Children are starting to chose best friends. Sure some of them have been best friends for a year or two but those friendships are often looser and more open to triads or even bigger groups. As we finish up the month of April I am seeing that the other kids are starting to pull away from Camryn a little. It's not that the girls are being mean. They really aren't. But Camryn still wants to play animals and they are into other things. I know they would let her come along and join in but she is also choosing to be left behind because she can't let her interest in animals and monsters go. So she often ends up alone. As her parent I see this happening but there isn't much I can do about it. It's not fair to ask the other girls to play animals just because Camryn wants to. The truth of the matter is that these girls have been wonderfully accepting of Cam's animal play for 2 years now. When they played house in grade 1 they let her be the family dog. In grade 2 when they were playing Bratz and fairies they let her be a variety of animal friends. Really they have been more than tolerant of her interest area. But in the world of Justin Bieber and Kesha there just aren't any animal roles to fill. Reality is sneaking up to Camryn and it's about to slap her silly. My heart aches for her.
Then there is her crying at school. Camryn cries several times a day about things that most kids wouldn't even notice or care about. The other little girls often rush over to her to try to comfort her and help but that is the last thing Camryn wants. There is an element of being completely overwhelmed by the sensory world and so when she cries at school she is just done and needs to be left alone. With all the little girls rushing over asking her what's wrong she only gets more chaotic. They are trying to be loving and sweet which warms my heart. I really can't blame them for caring so much. Her refusal to be comforted is actually pushing the other girls away. I mean how good does it feel to try to help someone who won't look at you, who won't talk to you, and who doesn't feel any better for having had you there? So slowly but surely Camryn is getting herself moved out of the social world she wants to be a part of. These are issues that the little boys aren't usually dealing with in grade 3. It's just different. Autism or not.
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